At Heaven's Gate
by MoonsilverTwilight
Summary: Bella has just witnessed Edward being murdered! How will she go on with her life? Or will someone finally grant her wish-to be with Edward, for eternity? Does Heaven truly exist? Hope you like it! Plz R&R! COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE **

_Green grass coated in dew, and soft, damp mosses covered every flat surface. The sun's warm rays shone down on the clearing from above. The meadow was the same as always. _

_I sighed, trying to soak up all the rays I could—Forks didn't have many sunny days, one of the reasons I could be here with Edward. Just thinking his name made me sigh again. _

_I remembered the day I first saw him, my first day in Forks. The cafeteria was filled with people, most I barely knew. I was sitting down beside Jessica, the girl from my Spanish class, when I saw him sitting with the rest of the Cullens and Hales. How could I have ever thought that he'd hated me? He had told me time and time again, that the fury that was caused by me could never be directed towards me. _

_If only he'd change me! If only he could give me what I truly wanted, an eternity to spend with him. He'd once asked whether I wanted to be a monster like he was. How could he think that? Edward, my Edward, was not a monster... he was anything but! How he could resist the temptation, hold me close to him without breaking my skull, how he could say no to the blood that flowed within my veins. Resisting the wine, while enjoying the bouquet, he'd once said. I may not have a great memory, but every word he'd ever uttered would stay with me forever, that is, if he would let me have forever. _

_I was snapped out of my reverie by none other that my angel himself. I had come close to falling asleep. He had carried me back to his Volvo without difficulty. He kissed my forehead, making my heart thump wildly, still. You'd think I'd get used to that, but no. As if right on cue, he laughed as the speed of my heart picked up its pace. _

_"So, what are we going to do, tonight?" he asked me. He seemed to notice that I was still concentrating on the process of breathing in and out, so he continued. "How would you like to spend the evening at my house? I'll make sure Alice doesn't drag you off on another one of her insane shopping sprees, of course. What do you say?" _

_"Sure," I breathed. Who could say no to Edward? _

_"Am I dazzling you again?" he chuckled. _

_"Yes," I answered, then added, "I don't mind." It was true. Who would, anyway? _

_"No, of course you don't. That's why it's my responsibility to make sure you remember to breathe." _

_"Hey," I teased, "It's not my fault if my gorgeous vampire boyfriend is, well... gorgeous." _

_"It's getting a bit too cool out here for you," he said, scooping me up and gently placing me in the passenger seat of his car. _

_"No it isn't," I said, "It's very warm, actually." _

_"Bella, I can see you lying through your teeth. And let me tell you, for future reference: when you cannot tell a lie without blushing, try not to do so. It gives you away," he stated the obvious. _

_"Yeah, yeah, I know," I grumbled. Did I need anything else to point out the fact that I was about as far from perfect as possible? _

_"I love you, Edward," I chose to say instead. _

_"I love you, too," was his reply. _

_I saw the speedometer quickly inch past one hundred miles per hour. I was used to this by now, of course. It wasn't my poor Edward's fault that vampires have a liking to speed. We were quiet for the rest of the drive, as I was concentrating on not looking out the windows. _

_As we turned up the twisted impossible-to-find-in-the-dark road that lead up to Edward's house, his cell-phone rang. He picked it up, and not even waiting for the person on the other end to speak, whispered, " Alice." _

_I watched as his expression changed, "Don't worry, Alice," he said, "I can take care of myself… Nothing will happen to me… Of course… They can't possibly be that desperate… Just worry about yourselves, I'll be alright... Hmm... I believe so... You're starting to worry her, Alice; she was perfectly fine until you decided to call... I'll keep an eye on that... Yes... Alright, good bye Alice," He hung up the phone with a slight snap. _

_I didn't know what my expression looked like, but I knew how I felt. What did he mean nothing would happen to him? Was someone after Edward? The questions in my mind melted into one another until they no longer made sense, something I was grateful for. _

_"What did she mean?" I whimpered at last, "What did Alice mean by… by you, by something happening to you?" I choked out, "Is something going to happen to you?" _

_I expected him to reassure me, tell me everything was fine, that there was no reason for me to worry. Instead, his response was, "If I… if I am ever forced to… to leave you Bella, what would you do?" _

_"But you won't leave me, you promised!" I said. If this was about me, then he stays no question about it. "You said you'd never leave me again!" _

_"I never said I'd leave you, Bella. Like I told my dear sister, who, by the way, rudely interrupted our conversation, there is no reason at all to worry about a problem that doesn't exist." _

_" Alice wouldn't make a fuss out of something that doesn't exist," I fought back, and then remembered a fact about my little friend, "Unless it includes shopping, of course." _

_"Well, there isn't anything we can do now," he muttered, "Not ever, really. Whatever happens will happen. The future will be bound to change any minute anyway, they can't… I…" he seemed to be talking half to himself, half to me. _

_"Tell me, please, Edward," I said in my best whining voice, knowing he would tell me, "I want to help you. Is it something about… about Jacob?" _

_His brow creased, as if a whole new subject of worry had just popped up, "No, that dog isn't involved in this, at least, not yet. In fact, it doesn't concern him in any way." _

_"Is it the Volturi, then?" I asked, anxious to know what was going on. _

_"No, it isn't the Volturi," he answered patiently, as if speaking to a small child. _

_"What was that you said about leaving me?" I asked, suddenly remembering. _

_"That… was nothing. You know I would never leave you, Bella," he said. _

_"Not willingly," I corrected, knowing him, "That's what you said last time. I want you to promise that you will never, ever leave me, Mr. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." _

_"That… may not be a promise I'll be able to keep," he answered, sadly. _

_"Well, I want you to promise to never leave me about something concerning my so-called safety," I glared at him. _

_"That I can do," he grinned, his unhappy expression disappearing for a second. _

_"Alright, then. I want you to swear, that you will never ever, ever leave me if it is something about my wellbeing." _

_"I, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," he began dramatically, "Swear that I will never, ever, ever leave you, Isabella Marie Swan, if it is something about your wellbeing," he concluded, copying everything I said, down to my very expression, "I promise you Bella," he added, on a more serious tone. _

_I was satisfied. I closed my eyes, just as he parked his Volvo beside Alice's recently acquired yellow Porsche. Just like every time I was in his car, he stepped up, and less than in a blink of an eye, was at my side. He opened my door quickly, and then proceeded to carrying me up the stone steps. He set me down gently. _

_"Edward?" I asked. _

_"Hmm?" he answered, out of focus. _

_"Promise me again." _

_"Bella," he sighed, exasperated, "Fine. I promise I'll never leave you." _

_"There, how hard was that?" I asked him. _

_He then opened the door, as it was starting to get chilly, and waited for me to walk in. Being the klutz that I am, I tripped on thin air, and had to be caught by Edward. _

_"Sometimes, I think you fall just so I can catch you," he murmured. _

_"Hmm, sometimes I think so, too," I answered, my cheeks starting to feel warm, as I was once again saved by Edward. _

_Suddenly, Alice appeared out of nowhere. Not that that was unexpected, but it still surprised me that she could move faster than my eye could see. She impatiently tugged on Edward's arm; I could tell that she was saying something to him in her mind. _

_"Wait a moment, please, Bella," he said, letting go of me. _

_I heard their voices, whispering something, something that apparently, I wasn't to know. Alice's voice was strangely even more high-pitched that her usual soprano and Edward was unsuccessfully trying to disguise his voice into a more calm tone. I stood staring at the door, waiting for it to open. When it did, Edward had a strange expression on his face. _

_"What is it?" I asked worriedly. _

_"It's... nothing," he said, "Really, Bella." _

_"Oh yeah?" I challenged, "Last time it was nothing, you left me... left me all alone." _

_I had promised myself that I wouldn't think about those cruel, awful months when he had left me. It had seemed that the whole world was against me, taking away the one most precious thing I cared about. A single tear came to my eye, before I started to sob hysterically. _

_"Bella, I... promised, remember?" he asked me softly. _

_"I... I know," I choked out between sobs, "It's... It's just that, what if...? Edward... t-tell me, please... I can't... can't stand not knowing, it's..." _

_"Well..." he looked undecided, "Maybe there is... something. I don't want to hurt you again, Bella, but this may not be in my control." _

_"You promised!" I gulped. _

_"Yes, I know... but... this is not just about me leaving you," he said, then quickly edited, "Not the way that you think, I mean. I would never put you through that again... But Bella... what Alice saw was... concerning my death." _

_"Oh," I said. This I had not been expecting at all, "Well, that's... alright then, isn't it? I mean, vampires don't die, right?" _

_"Bella, Bella... Vampires may be hard to kill, but that doesn't make us indestructible." _

_"Who wants to... to kill you?" I asked. I was shocked that Edward could handle talking about his own death so easily, and even more that he could try to calm me down at the same time. If it wasn't for the fact that Jasper was hunting, he would probably be sitting here sending me waves of serenity. _

_"That's the problem, she doesn't know," he answered, "I think the werewolves may be involved. She didn't see me dying. It must have to do with those dogs, then... If it were someone else, she would've seen me get ripped to pieces instead of well... you understand. The faraway future is there. Someone must've made the decision." _

_"I-I don't want you to leave me," I stuttered, as if it were something that was in his ability to control, "I can't have you leave me." _

_"I know, Bella, I know," he wiped the last tear from the corner of my eye. _

_Suddenly, a black... thing dashed in front of me, pulling me away from Edward. It moved so fast I couldn't decipher whether it was a werewolf or a vampire. There were at least ten of them. A smaller one was pinning me to a wall, holding my hands behind my back with superhuman strength. I saw Edward's surprised expression turn to one of anger. _

_Alice appeared out of nowhere, as did Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle. They began fighting the black hazes, too fast for my eyes to see. However, the... things seemed to be focused on Edward, pulling him farther away from me, and his family. _

_"Help him!" I shouted, knowing that they could hear me, "Edward!" _

_I heard him cry out, a strangled sound, before a loud crunch. I heard him cry, 'Bella!' More screams of pain, and then, suddenly, the whole house was set on fire. It began with a spark, and then everything was engulfed in flames. _

_"Get her out! Keep her safe..." I heard Edward say. _

_"No, Edward!" _

_The thing that had been holding me suddenly scooped me up into its... arms? The wind was knocked out of me. It held me carefully, as if knowing I could easily break. Screaming and shouting did not help, and then I heard a husky voice... A voice that I knew. Jacob's voice. I would've recognized it anywhere. _

_"If I can't have her, neither will you!" he cried, before turning back into a wolf. _

_"Bella!" Edward cried, "No, Bella!" _

_"Edward!" I screamed, as loud as my voice could go. _

_I knew he was defeated, by the evil black thing that had been Jacob Black all along. Edward's last, final cry of pain would haunt me forever, until the end of eternity. "I love you, Bella," he whispered. Then, I heard a sound that could only be the sound of a vampire being ripped apart by a stronger force. _

_"Edward!" I sobbed. _

_"She's seen enough," I heard a voice say, before something hit me on the side of the head, hard. And then... everything was black. _


	2. Chapter One

**CHAPTER ONE**

I woke up in my own bed, with a thought that something had gone wrong. Something... what? Then, I remembered. Everything from before came back to me. Edward's... murder. I let out a sob, before my eyes even opened. I kept them closed as tears began to rush down my cheeks.

"She's awake," I heard Alice say.

"Shh..." it was Carlisle, "Let her sleep..."

"NO!" I yelled, opening my eyes, and tossing off the covers. What I saw surprised me: the whole Cullen family was sitting before me.

"Bella," I heard Esme say, "You need to rest, you have a large bump on the right side of your head, you may have a concussion."

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

Everyone was silent.

"WHERE'S EDWARD?!" I yelled, "EDWARD!!!" I sobbed, "No... No it can't be... he's not... he couldn't... Edward..."

"Bella," I heard Esme again, "Edward's—"

"He's not dead!" I screamed, "He couldn't be dead, he promised he'd never leave me again! I... How did...?

"You remember the voice who was talking to you?" Jasper spoke up.

"You mean the one that said, 'she's seen enough?'" I now knew what it had meant.

"No, before that."

"I remember... Jacob said... 'If I can't have her, neither will you!'"

"Yes, I suppose you knew what that meant," Rosalie hissed at me, "This is all your fault! My brother is dead because of you, all because of you! It's..." she began to cry tearlessly.

"No! No, it can't be true! It just can't be true, he promised..." I cried.

Suddenly everything began to spin. Colors faded into one another, shapes seemed to melt, and everything was swirling around in a circle. My last hope that I had made up the whole scenario was gone. Nothing mattered anymore. Without Edward, my life had no meaning to it. He was... he was everything, and he was gone. And this time, he wouldn't be able to come back, even if he wanted to. Because the dead don't come back. I would never see his face again, never gaze into his topaz eyes, never... Rosalie was right; this was all because of me. The last little bit of comfort that I had was that I would not survive without Edward. I would probably be dead, too, myself.

I hid myself in the very back corner of my mind, not caring about what the others thought of me. Not coming out of my shell. How could he have left me? This time, he left me with the thought that he did love me, that he would always love me. But that was nothing if he wasn't here...

Just as the first time he had gone, the hours, days, weeks, months, maybe even years were gone in a flash. Except this time, I didn't refuse to let myself think his name. Edward, Edward, Edward. I didn't care anymore, not what Charlie thought, not what the people at school thought. Jessica's gossip, Lauren's intimidating glare, they all held no meaning to me. I didn't even know whether I was still at school. All I knew was that I wasn't letting anyone in, and I wasn't coming out.

Each meal was fed to me by a gentle Alice, who had taken to taking care of me (twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week) since Edward died. She even lived with us, as she had no place to stay, until Carlisle and Esme bought a new house. Every time I thought of his death, a new wave of despair overcame me, and I would sob hours on end. I grew thinner, I was paler than before, from lack of the sun altogether, and dark circles were under my eyes from lack of sleep. I could pass off as a vampire, if it wasn't for my chocolate brown eyes, and my obvious ugliness. What Edward saw in me, I didn't know, I didn't care. All I cared about was that he loved me, that I loved him, and he was gone.

A metal spoon containing chicken soup was lifted to my lips. I didn't open my mouth. I heard Alice sigh in exasperation. I heard a voice, a faraway type of sound. "I'm sorry, Chief Swan," she said, as she had been calling him since Edward's death, "She won't eat."

"It's alright, Alice. Thanks for trying," he answered, turning back to the TV.

"Come on, Bella," she said again, "Edward wouldn't want you to be like this."

His name brought a whole new set of tears, but I opened my mouth and allowed her to feed me. I didn't want to burden her, but I just couldn't go on. I would apologize, but it had been so long since I had said anything that the words wouldn't come out of my mouth; I wasn't even sure I could speak anymore. But I forced the words out, and they came slurred.

"I sorry, Alice," I said slowly, trying not to make a fool of myself, "It no your fault."

"Charlie!" she gasped, forgetting the formalness she had used earlier, "She spoke!"

Charlie immediately dropped the remote, and hurried to us from the couch that he was sitting on. A blanket had been draped over my ever-thinning frame; it was heavy, and I was getting tired from endless, sleepless nights, but I tried to focus.

"Dad," I said, slowly, "I... I miss Edward."

"I know, Bella, I know... but he's d—"

"Don't say it!" Alice hissed, "She'll start crying again."

"Sorry," Charlie muttered sheepishly.

I felt the spoon being lifted to my lips again, and this time I opened my mouth willingly. The soup was still hot, and it burned my tongue a bit, but I didn't let Alice see. I was hungry now, that much was clear.

Spoon by spoon, Alice fed me the entire bowl; then proceeded to walk slowly to the sink to rinse out the bowl. She no longer bounced up and down wherever she was; the depression that had stolen my life was slowly starting to take over hers. I missed the old Alice, the old Esme, the old Carlisle... all the Cullens, even Rosalie, but mostly I missed Edward. I even missed the old Jacob, the Jacob that wasn't a murderer, the Jacob that had been my best friend. The one that had healed me was now throwing me aside and stomping my heart out. Life was cruel, I realized, you start to trust someone, and they turn on you. Either that or they are forced to leave.

I let my sleepiness take a hold of me, and I was soon soaring amongst my dream clouds. Every night, or rather, every time I slept, I dreamed of Edward. Of the first time I had met him in biology, the time in Port Angelos, where he had taken me to dinner, the first time he had taken me to our meadow, the first time we went to his home together. I remembered everything. Awake, the details were a haze, but my subconscious had remembered him perfectly. It was as if he was preserved in a museum, and every time I was asleep, it was opening hours and I could visit him. Having learned this, I slept more often, and soon the circles under my eyes were gone.

Renée came to visit sometimes. Whenever she came, Alice would book into a nearby hotel, for a few days. My shell was opening, but not fast enough for her liking. Renée was constantly muttering under her breath, that 'this is what happens when you let your only daughter live with your ex-husband.'

I didn't cry much anymore; there was no point. Crying would not make him come back. The only way to be with him was to die, and no one was going to give me that anytime soon. The only one to give me what I wanted was Jacob, and I wasn't asking him for any favours.

The third time Renée came to visit, she got tired of all my moping, and insisted that I get out of the house. She dragged me along to Florida with her for a while, but Phil felt uncomfortable, so she came back to Forks with me. However, my dear, _dear _mother was not yet finished with me. She hauled me along to the zoo, to the beach, and then, all the way to France. But France reminded me of Italy, and Italy reminded me of the Volturi, and the Volturi reminded me of Edward. That trip did not go well.

When the plane touched the hard gravel, she angrily took our luggage, and pulled me out of the airport, where Charlie had been waiting. "I let my daughter come live with you, and look what happens to her!" she exclaimed.

"Renée, calm down," he said.

"Mom," I said slowly, "It not Charlie's fault."

"This is all because of that boy, isn't it? You were just like this the last time! I will not stand for you sulking about like a bag of crap, you hear me, Isabella?" Renée never swore; she must've been extremely angry, "You will get yourself out of this mood, or… or else! Understand, Isabella Marie Swan?" she retorted angrily.

"Okay," I answered, then turned to stare out of the window of Charlie's cruiser.

The ride home was silent, not to mention a bit awkward. Renée continued muttering, while Charlie tried, unsuccessfully, to settle her down. She never stopped glaring at me.

The next day, Renée was on a plane back to Florida. Her excuse was that she missed Phil, but I knew it was because she was tired of me. My emotions must've been were going wild, even this made me cry. I sobbed, one reason to cry fading into another, and soon, the sheets on my bed were soaked.

With Renée leaving, Alice was back.

That night, I cried myself to sleep as usual. It had been three months since Edward's death, according to the ticks on the west side of my wall. I dreamed of him again; also to be expected.

I woke up in the middle of the night, and according to my alarm clock, it was three in the morning. I yawned, eager to get back to sleep and see Edward again, when I realized that the reason I had woken. There, in the doorway, was the silhouette of my love's murderer. Of the betrayer I had once called my best friend. The friend who had once comforted me when Edward was gone. There, in the doorway, was Jacob Black.


	3. Chapter Two

**CHAPTER TWO**

What was Jacob doing here, in my bedroom? Didn't he know about Alice? Or had he killed her, too? He knew I hated him for killing Edward; why had he returned? To taunt me? To mock me; tell me that if I had stayed with him; that Edward would still be here? I opened my eyes, not even realizing that I had closed them.

I looked into his eyes. His crazy, murderous eyes. This Jacob was the werewolf, the monster Edward had always claimed him to be. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Jacob. He was shaking, was he about to turn into the giant wolf that had ended Edward's... existence?

"Bella," he said, in a cool, calm tone.

"What are you doing here?" I wanted to yell at him, to scream, to hurt him, to claw his eyes out. Not one of which I was capable of doing.

"I... came to see you," he muttered.

"I don't want to see you, Jacob," I whispered, my throat seeming to be raw from all the screaming in my sleep. "I don't ever want to see you, ever again."

"It doesn't have to be that way, Bella," he said. "He's gone now, he's hurt you again."

"Because you forced him to!" I exclaimed, but then was extremely sorry due to my sore throat.

"He would've left you anyway. He lives forever; sooner or later he would've found some other beautiful brown-eyed klutz who has nice smelling blood, and he would've gone to her. You mean nothing to him, you're just a toy. A toy he'd get tired of. You're fooling yourself, Bella, thinking he'd always love you."

"You're lying!" I screamed, "He would've changed me, and then we could've had forever! I hate you, Jacob Black, I hate you!"

"Believe what you want to believe," he said, in that calm tone that infuriated me.

"Shut up, Jake! Shut up, and leave me alone!"

"_I_ would've been loyal to you, and you alone, Bella, being the puppy-dog I am. Have you ever heard of the expression 'dogs are a man's best friend?' I don't think they ever mentioned anything about leeches."

"I don't know what you're trying to do, Jacob Black. If you're trying to make me feel better, then you should leave, you're not succeeding. And if you're trying to make me feel like hell, well, I'm already there. Thank-you for all your unnecessary concern, now please get out before I call Charlie and report your breaking and entering."

That was when Alice arrived. "What are you doing here, you murderous _dog_?"

"I came to talk some sense into her," he answered, "Kyle was getting all pissed since I still seemed to be obsessed with you, and you spent all your time moping. He said that we either get you to quit acting all suicidal, or we leave. I went with the first option."

"Kyle?" I asked, sidetracked.

"Oh, well, yeah. I've found myself a new pack; Sam wasn't all that okay with what I had in mind."

"I should've listened to Edward. I should've never gone to you!"

"Well, a bit too late for that, Bells. That bloodsucker is history, now."

"What did you think? That if Edward was gone, that I'd run eagerly into your open arms?" I said, acidly.

"Well, yeah," he muttered, sheepish.

"Well, you were wrong. Don't ever come to me ever again!"

"Do you want to hear about my new friends?" he smirked.

"No."

He told me anyway, "There's Kyle, he's sort of like Paul, all arrogant. Then there's Blake, the big tough guy who's scared of just about everything. And we have Will and Vic, the twins. We've got Troy, our Beta. There's Ace, the youngest, he's about Seth's age, maybe even younger. Janice and Georgia, the girls. Zack is our sit-at-home. And last, we've got Travis, and Roy, our two very non-enthusiastic members. And we've got me, of course, the Alpha." He seemed to have gained a lot of self-esteem during his time 'away.'

"You're the leader?" I sneered, "Why would they listen to you?"

"I came to them in their time of need, why wouldn't they follow me?" he asked, as if it were obvious.

Then I remembered something, "Aren't the Quileutes the only werewolves?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella. We may not be as common as your bloodsuckers, but that doesn't limit us to just one tribe. Mind you, I had to go all the way up to Northern Canada to find these guys."

"Bella?" Alice spoke up, "Charlie's waking up."

"See ya, then, Bella," Jacob said, already half out the open window.

"Not," I muttered.

After Jacob left, I felt myself lapse back into the empty nothingness. Much as I hated him right now, Jacob had awoken some part of me that had been dormant for three months too long. He had reminded me how to hate. Hate was good. Hate was better than nothing, I told myself. If I could feel hate, then I could feel happiness, I could feel my emotions. I had been holding myself in for far too long.

"Alice," I said, looking down, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Bella," she soothed me, "None of this was your fault, despite what Rosalie said."

"I feel like it was my fault, though," I muttered, "If it weren't for me, Edward would be alive. Right now, he would be waking me up. He would be waiting to catch me when I fell off the bed, and he would be waiting in the car to drive me to school. He would be sitting beside me in class, and then he would drive me back home. He would be waiting for me, when I go to sleep. I miss him, Alice. I miss him so much." I had just made the longest speech since Edward had died.

"I miss him, too," she whispered just loud enough for me to hear, "But I'm glad that you're a bit better now, Bella. You should've seen yourself, you were a zombie. I never knew Edward leaving could do this to you. This is what happened last time, too, isn't it?"

I nodded, tears once again coming to my eyes. I was crying so much these days, I was surprised that my tear ducts hadn't dried up. "It was something like this. But this time, it's worse. Because this time I know he can't come back, Alice. He won't be able to come back. And I can't go to find him, either." I just stated my worst fear: that Edward wouldn't want me to go and get him back.

"He'd want you to live your life, that's true," Alice agreed, "He wouldn't want you to give up everything just to be with him."

"But this... I can't stand this, Alice!" I almost screeched, "Why would Jake do something like this?"

"You ever heard of 'all's fair in love and war?'" she asked.

"But... he knew I loved Edward. Why would he do something like that...?"

"Much as I hate to admit this, Bella," Alice began slowly, "I think that that dog loves you, too."

"So now you're defending him?" I asked, not so much angry as surprised, "I thought you guys all hated each other."

"We do, Bella, trust me. But hey, I'm just saying what you want me to say."

I sighed, and then yawned. "I'll be going to sleep, now, Alice. Thanks, for making me feel better, even if it is by using reverse psychology."

"Any time," she laughed, a shadow of her old self.

"Good night, Alice," I murmured, actually sleepy, and not trying to force unconsciousness upon myself.

"Good morning, actually. It's five o'clock a.m."

For the first time in a long while, I didn't cry myself to sleep. I did think of Edward though, but not of his death, or his absence. I thought of the times when he had been alive, all the places he'd taken me to, and him telling me that he loved me. Edward would've been proud of the improvement in my attitude. The road to recovery was within sight.


	4. Chapter Three

**CHAPTER THREE **

I slept peacefully. As always, I dreamed of Edward. I saw his topaz eyes gazing into my chocolate brown ones. But the dream quickly turned into a nightmare. He was standing in front of me, telling me how much he loved me. Then, a black fog swarmed the air, and seemed to be pulling away. He was fading away.

I tried to run after him, but even my dreams couldn't get rid of my clumsiness. I chased after him, running faster than I ever had when I was awake. I tried to tell him to come back to me.

"No, Bella," he told me sternly.

"Come back to me, please! Come back, Edward!" I screamed.

His face transformed into Jacob's.

"You wanted to see me?" he mocked, "Sure, I'll come back."

I screamed.

"Bella!" I heard someone's voice—Charlie's voice; I'd thought it would be Alice, like every other morning, or maybe even Edward's. "Bells, honey, wake up!" 

He was shaking me around rather violently; I was scared I would throw up. I groaned, to let him know that I was awake. Opening one eye, I said, "Charlie?"

"Phew," he said, "I was scared you were having some sort of seizure. Are you alright?" he asked me, worriedly.

"Sure, I'm fine, Dad."

"Good. Because I wanted to talk to you," he must've noticed my horror, because he added, "You're not in trouble. I just wanted to talk to you about something."

"Sure, okay, Dad."

"I... I want to know what it... _is_ with the Cullens."

Could he have guessed their secret? "What do you mean 'what it is with the Cullens?'" I asked, suspicious.

"Well, it just seems that... the argument between Edward and Jacob doesn't seem to be just any other argument. It almost seems like they're hiding something..."

"Please don't mention that d—" I'd almost use Edward's nickname for Jacob, "I mean, _Jacob_'s name to me ever again. He's the one who took Edward away from me," tears were silently flowing down my cheeks, before I hastily wiped them away, "Oh, and I'm sure you're just making something out of nothing, Dad," I continued nervously, "You can be so Renée-like sometimes."

"No, I don't think so, Bella," he said seriously, "I've lived with you for two years now, Bella. I think I can tell when something's wrong."

"Can we approach this subject later?" I asked him warily.

"Sure," he answered, I hadn't thought he would give in so easily, "But we _will_ talk about this," he seemed so confidant, "I want you to know that... I can't have you always sulking like this. It's been months, everyone else, even Carlisle, has gotten over his death. You need to let go, Bella. I can't have you living your whole life mourning for someone who isn't coming back."

" Carlisle's just pretending," I muttered, "No one's gotten over it."

"While that may be... partially true, I still want you to take into consideration the fact that _you _still have your life to live."

"That's exactly what he would've said," I couldn't stop the tears this time; they rushed down my cheeks.

"And don't you want to do what Edward would've wanted you to?" he asked, "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Well, when you put it that way..." I murmured.

"Please," he resulted to begging, "This is killing me too."

"Says who?" I sobbed, "You've never even liked him!"

"And I'm sorry I didn't get to know your boyfriend better, Bella. But what's killing me is that you're falling to bits; crumbling up. It's as if your heart has actually broke, Bella. I never knew the truth in that expression. But now I do. Hang on for me, Bells. Hang on."

"Fine," I continued crying.

"I don't want you to become... suicidal, again, like you were last spring," he murmured. **[First Author's Note: was it Spring when Bella jumped off the cliff? Too lazy to get out New Moon **

"Firstly, Dad," I started, "The cliff-diving was for recreational purposes; I'm glad I did it; it brought Edward back to me. Second, if the meaning of your existence has left you, what would you have done?"

"The... uh, meaning of your existence? That's a bit too... dramatic, isn't it?"

"We could've had forever, Dad!" my tears came back, "We could've had eternity!"

"Now, now, Bells. I don't want to have to tell you this, but life doesn't last forever."

"Yes, it does. With Edward, it does!" I knew I was scaring him now, rambling on and on about 'forever,' "You asked me if there was something else about the Cullens, and there is."

"Go on," he gestured with his hand.

"Dad," I began, not sure if I should tell him. What if the Cullens got in trouble with the Volturi? But I was beyond caring, I would get mad at myself later, "The Cullens are vampires." I decided to be direct, not playing with riddles.

"What?!" he jumped up in his seat, "No, no, you're joking." I could tell he thought I was going insane.

"It's true, Dad," I said, calming down, and slowing the flow of my tears, "They're vampires. And Jacob—" I almost hissed his name, "Is a werewolf, with a whole bunch of the other La Push boys."

"You can't possibly be serious, Bella. I'm taking you to a clinic, are you feeling okay?"

I was suddenly very angry of the fact that he couldn't just accept this. I would curse my mood swings later, "I'm not joking, I am serious, and I don't need to go to a doctor!" I screeched.

"Whoa, Bells, no need to get angry," he looked like he thought I was a vampire, too, for a moment.

"It's just... I miss him, Dad," I murmured, "But I'm not mad at you, don't worry."

"Promise me you won't try to kill yourself," he said it as if he was joking, but there was a serious tone buried deep within his laughing tone.

I now knew how easy it was for promises to be broken. Oaths such as these meant nothing to the fate that took charge of our lives. However, just to make Charlie happy, I promised him, "Okay, Dad." I didn't try to fake his happy tone of voice.

I didn't want to lie to him—but this half-truth wasn't something to be avoided. Sure, I may not try to commit suicide, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't leave him someday. Take a look at what Edward had promised me. I didn't want to hurt anyone: maybe I should just leave. Leave everyone else behind, just like Edward had left me. Unintentionally, I felt my body go rigid as I thought of disappearing from Charlie's world. Would he think that, like Renée, I wanted to escape his presence? Or would he know the true meaning of my departure? My brain had been working overtime, and it was letting me know it. However, this was not a bad idea; it may force itself into action one day.

"Good," Charlie said, snapping me out of my trance with that bemused expression he always kept on his face nowadays.

"Thank you, Charlie," I said, "This conversation might be just what my conscience needed to let me keep going."

"Let's focus our concentration back to the Cullens," Charlie said suddenly.

"What more is there to know?" I asked.

"For one, I need to know if they're dangerous to you or not. I'm not sending my daughter off to meet a bunch of bloodsucking vampires when she is clearly pumping blood—"

"_Dad_!" I complained, "I go there all the time, they aren't as dangerous as you think!"

"Prove it to me," he said, in Chief Swan mode.

"Sure. What do you want to know?" I asked.

"Well, for one, tell me about there... diet."

"The Cullens don't kill people, Dad. They hunt animals. They don't want to be monsters," I quoted Edward, "They do drink blood though. You can tell when they're thirsty when their eyes turn black. That's when you kick them out the door," I joked.

"Their eyes change colors?" Charlie asked, clearly confused.

"Yeah. When their eyes are gold, that means they've... fed, recently. The vampires that drink human blood have ruby red eyes. You can't miss it."

"Huh," Charlie said, then continued, "How about... the legends? Are they true? Can they come out during the day?"

"Most of those myths are completely made up," I said, "Probably by the Volturi."

"The Volturi?" Charlie asked.

"They're the ones who keep the dangerous ones in check," I answered patiently, "They're sort of like... royalty, I suppose. If someone does something wrong, they come take care of it."

"What about the sun issue? I've noticed they don't go to school when it's not cloudy, or at least your truck always disappears when it is." Charlie was more observant than I, or anyone else, apparently, gave him credit for.

"They can go out in the sun, it just gets people suspicious. They start glittering," I explained, "I really shouldn't be the one telling you this. You should get it first-hand from someone like Alice, or Carlisle, or something."

"I'd rather here it from you, Bells. Less of a chance of risking a heart attack," he laughed.

I felt cheery, never knowing that Charlie could ever have had this effect on me. "Thanks, Dad," I showed my gratitude again.

"Anytime, Bell," he said, getting up. It must've been later than I'd thought, he was probably late for work, "I have to go now. I'll be home if you need me."

"Sorry for keeping you here, Dad," I apologized. I seemed to be doing that a lot now.

"Don't worry about it. It's worth being ten minutes late, and understanding how my daughter's mind works."

"Yeah, well, you're welcome," I said dryly.

"I'll see you tonight," Charlie said, "Bye Bells."

As Charlie got up to leave, I saw something outside of the window. It was moving at an incredible pace, faster than any human, yet definitely human-shape. It couldn't be any of the Cullens, they would know better than exposing themselves like that. It was probably just one of the werewolves from La Push, I told myself, though preferably not Jacob.


	5. Chapter Four

**CHAPTER FOUR **

Charlie left, but for once, I didn't sink into depression. A lot was happening in my life recently, and I felt as if that that talk with Charlie had just been the beginning. The last thing I expected, however, was the person standing in the doorway when I turned around. The kitchen was empty, so the person—or rather, werewolf was easy to spot. Not that many could mistake Sam's huge frame for much else.

**(Author's Note: This chapter is for Jacob fans who don't want him to look evil... I don't know why I'm doing this; I'm not exactly a fan of Jake myself) **

He was leaning against the door, looking apologetic, and a bit sheepish. This was not an expression I often saw on Sam's face. He spoke up suddenly, which made me jump, "Bella," he said.

"Yes?" I asked, "Was there any particular reason you came to visit me, or was it on a certain someone's request?"

"Well, I won't say that I came for no reason, but this... _visit_ if you will, was not Jacob's decision. Or mine, actually. It took a bit of persuasion from Emily to get me to come down here."

**(Author's Note: I don't know exactly how Sam talks, so don't sue me if he sounds a bit out of character, please) **

"Emily?" I asked, surprised. I hadn't expected that, "Why did she make you come?"

"She's worried about Jacob," he said, though I felt as though I was missing something, almost as if the words had a double meaning to them.

"Don't ever mention that name to me ever again!" I hissed.

"Give the kid a chance, Bella," he said. I could've sworn I felt him tense, but now he looked as relaxed as he had a moment ago.

"Hah! Why should I give_ him_ a choice?" I asked as if this was something ridiculous, which, truth be told, it was, "He hurt me."

"Don't tell me you're so self-centered these days, Bella. He's hurting too, you know."

"He deserves it," I couldn't stop the single tear that fell down my cheeks.

"You can't mean that," Sam argued.

"Yes I can," I said, "He hurt me, purposely."

"He's just a kid. He needs to be told what and what not to do."

"I wouldn't really consider seventeen a kid," I retorted.

**(YET ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE!!! Is Jacob supposed to be seventeen by the end of Eclipse? Or is he still sixteen? Oh well, I guess we'll never know. Oh, and considering the fact that I'm like, not even thirteen, and being treated like a little kid seriously pisses me off, I can't consider the fact that a six/seventeen-year-old guy who is apparently supposed to be like, thirty or something due to the whole age thing in New Moon would wanna be called a kid. Wow that's a long author's note) **

"All I'm saying is, don't completely hate him yet. He may have done this for your benefit."

"I doubt that."

Sam turned to look at the door for a moment. I heard a howl in the distance. He looked back to me, "I'm sorry, that's Embry. I have to go."

"When, or rather, if you come back, I would like not to discuss this topic again," I chose to say for my departing comment, and turned to go back upstairs as the door clinked behind me.

When the house was silent again, I picked up my old copy of Wuthering Heights. I suddenly remembered Edward telling me how I was sadly in need to visit a book store. He was probably right; I'd read the book at least ten times, and the spine showed it.

While I slowly walked back up the stairs, I thought about the Cullens. I had been so focused on my own despair that I hadn't even given a second thought about how they must feel; the misery they must be going through. Edward was my fiancé, but he was also their family. It would almost be like losing Charlie, or Renée. They loved him just as much as I did, but I hadn't paid any attention to them. They must all hate me, now.

I was surprised, when I arrived in my bedroom that Alice was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. That was where Edward had sat, I remembered. This thought sobered me up some more. Her downcast eyes were staring at the floor, not even acknowledging that I had just walked into the room.

I sat down on the bed, watching Alice; would she ever forgive me? " Alice?" I asked.

"Yes, Bella?" her voice continued to sound sad, and discouraged, the way it had been for a long time, now.

"Will you... will you ever forgive me?" tears were gently rolling down my cheeks; my impatient hand wiped them away.

"There's nothing to forgive," Alice sighed, "Nothing that happened was your fault. You know that, Bella."

"You know it's not your fault either, right?" I asked her. When she didn't answer, I continued, "It's not your fault! It's completely my... responsibility. The whole fight was about me; everything, if I didn't exist, if I weren't here, Edward would be alive now! If I hadn't come to Forks, we would all be living happily, without all the death that has come because of me!" my shoulders were shaking uncontrollably as I sobbed.

"And if you hadn't come, Edward would never have been happy. Better to have something, and lose it, than never have had it at all. Edward was always the happiest after he'd seen you, Bella. Even when he left you, whenever he had the courage to come back and... visit you, he'd always be happy when he left... or at least he was more content."

"I love you like a sister, Alice. You _are _my sister. And sisters tell each other the truth, don't they? Tell me, how are _you_ feeling now?"

"I'm... not so great," she said, "I know this is hard for me, but for you! Edward always spoke of you as the meaning of his existence, I imagine it would be the same on your side," as she said this, I remembered the conversation earlier with Charlie, "And I can't make up how difficult this must be for you."

I owed it to Alice to tell her what I had said to Charlie this morning, " Alice. I told Charlie about... about your being vampires."

"How'd he take that?" she asked, slightly more cheerful, even though she must've known the answer before the question was out of her mouth, "I saw you telling him, but I didn't see his reaction."

"You're sure?" I asked, "What about the Volturi? Won't they be mad at you now? Will they have to kill him?"

"As long as Charlie doesn't tell anyone what he knows, your father should be perfectly safe. Just keep him away from Aro; you wouldn't want his mind to be read."

I was shocked that Alice had taken this so easily; she wasn't even mad at me! " Alice, I'm truly sorry, sorry for everything. Sorry for making you take care of me like a maid, sorry for telling Charlie. Sorry for Edward being dead, sorry for... sorry for coming into your life! I wish I'd never came into your lives, I'm so, so sorry! It's just—"

"Calm down, Bella, you're rambling nonsense," this was more like the Alice I knew, "If it makes you feel better, you're forgiven. Though how you manage to make this sound like it's your fault I have no idea. Please, stop this, though. It feels like you're breaking my cold, dead heart."

She really was sincere; about forgiving me, about everything. I would jump for joy if it weren't for my uncoordinated feet. I went up to hug her, and held onto her tight. When the tears dried, I hugged her again, then went to get myself cleaned up. Charlie might be home soon, I didn't want him to come home to such a mess. It had been a long time since I'd cooked him a dinner that was actually edible, and not a random assortment of vegetables and grains. I wanted to apologize to everyone, but for now there was just Charlie and Alice.

When the time came, I would make the best apologies I was capable of doing. I would get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness, that's what I would do! I wanted to help everyone else get through this; maybe that would heal me. Then again, who was I kidding? I may help all the others live through this 'incident,' but I knew I myself would never truly heal. Not unless I see Edward's undead face again, saw him smiling at me, telling me that everything was going to be alright. I sighed. I may not be able to cure myself of this awful disease of despair, but for now, helping the others may just be enough.


	6. Chapter Five

**CHAPTER FIVE **

I decided to cook something with fish in it for Charlie's supper. He had come home yesterday with a bucket load of bass, or trout, or whatever it was that he'd caught. I suddenly had a mad desire to make life easier for everyone: the fish deserved to have died for a reason, too. I knew that it was stupid to think such a thing, but random mood swings were my specialty.

As I chopped up and diced some vegetables, I heard Charlie's cruiser pulling up in the driveway. As he came in, I noticed that his hair was soaked. I hadn't even realized that it was raining outside, but then again, in Forks, it wasn't really unexpected for it to be calm one moment, and storming the next.

"Hey Bells," he said, his normal greeting comment, "Are you making dinner for me?" he asked, as if surprised.

"Of course, Dad. Don't I every day?" Of course I didn't, nowadays, but I didn't feel like wrecking the mood.

"Oh, of course you do, of course. What was I saying?" he was playing along, "What have you done to get yourself into such good spirits today?"

"Oh, not much. Sam came by today, and I apologized to Alice for being such a bother," I decided to tell him the truth. 

"Oh?" he questioned me, "Sam Uley, isn't it? The oldest of all those La Push giants, isn't it?"

"Yes, Dad. Though I wouldn't call Sam a giant, he's still normal-sized compared to some of Jacob's new friends." This was true—the werewolves that had come for the Cullens, and more specifically, Edward, was much stronger than our native puppy dog-like ones from down at First Beach.

As I talked, I finally noticed that Charlie was not the only one who had come in. Someone else, a stranger, but oddly familiar, was standing behind my father, in the shadows, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey, who's this, Dad?" I asked, faking mild curiosity.

"This is Kyle," Charlie gestured to the man standing behind him. Oddly enough, this 'Kyle' didn't step out of the shadows.

Then, I saw a flash of his face as he turned towards the window, "YOU!" I screamed.

"Yes, Bella, nice to meet you, too. Jacob's spoken quite highly about you. You should hear the things he says: Bella this, Bella that, how Bella's _so_ great... I'm glad I can't hear what he's thinking, unlike his old pack. Imagine... ugh. And that female with a thing for their Alpha, I don't think I'd stand being inside their heads. Jacob's told me everything; clearly, he hasn't told you that."

Obviously, this one was a talker. "Get out!" I shouted to him0, forgetting for a moment that Charlie was still there.

"Hey, hey, this is a guest, Bella. Don't you be so impolite, now."

"Impolite?! Im_polite_?!" I screeched, clawing at my hair, "Dad, he's the one who helped Jacob murder Edward! He's the—well, _one of_ the murderers!"

"What?" Charlie sounded dazed.

Kyle laughed, enraging me even more, "It's nice to meet you in person, though what Jacob and that bloodsucker saw in you is beyond me, and that nice companion I have I call my brain."

"Get out of my house, you _dog_!" I spat, "Get out, and stay out! Don't you ever talk to me again! Get OUT!"

"Wow, need temper management much?" he chuckled.

I hissed at him rather pathetically, to which he said, "Adaptation is always a good thing, huh, Bella? When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in the leech's house, do what the leeches do."

"You... you shut your mouth!"

"Shouldn't you be angrier at Jake, anyway? What've I done? I'm just a little helper, an assistant assassinator."

"Bella, are you meaning to tell me that I let a criminal into our house?!" Charlie was trying to fake the calm charade, and not succeeding.

"I... I... I don't know!" I was suddenly crying _again_! At this rate, fifty percent of the water in my body was going to evaporate through my tears.

"Aww, don't cry, Bella," Kyle mocked me, "It wouldn't make Edward happy to see his fiancée cry."

"You know what? I've heard enough," Charlie thundered, "If my daughter is uncomfortable with you being here, mister wise guy, I suggest you listen to her and get out before—"

"Before what?" Kyle laughed, carefree, "Do you think that any of your human punishments mean anything to me?"

"Wha-? What are you talking about?" Charlie was confused.

"What he's saying is, Dad, is that he's a werewolf," I confessed.

"In that case, I'll be showing you the door, Mr. Kyle," Charlie gestured to the back door.

"Sure, whatever. Just remember, Bella, that I'm just a messenger. Jacob's really crazed about you, and if I were you, I wouldn't try to get between a werewolf and what he wants, especially when you're only a mere human," Kyle hopped out of his corner, and in the blink of an eye, he was a giant black wolf. Happily bounding out the door (and knocking it down in the process) he coughed a laughing bark, and was gone.

I stared after him in amazement, watching the rain outside pour down. It was getting dark, and here we were, missing a door. Fate had it in for me, could not one thing in my life go right?

Then, I smelled the dinner I had been cooking for Charlie burning slightly, but even this was enough to reach my nose. I ran across the kitchen, and in my hurry, didn't knock over or trip on anything. As I busied myself in the kitchen, I heard Charlie dialing a call to whom else, but the Cullens? Now that he knew their little secret, Charlie was just as comfortable around them as I was.

In a flash, Emmett was standing in our doorway, looking at the missing door and the hinges thoughtfully. "You know, I could easily fix this," he said, and returned a minute later from wherever he had gone with a couple of nails, and a hammer.

As Emmett fixed our door, and I tried not to laugh, I served Charlie's slightly burnt fish extravaganza to him in a happy manner. I balanced the plate on the tips of my fingers, and by a miracle, they didn't fall. I placed the plate on the table, and Charlie dug in, content. I watched him eat, just as Edward had watched me so many months ago. When I assured Charlie that I wasn't hungry, I slowly dragged myself back upstairs.


	7. Chapter Six

**CHAPTER SIX**

I woke up the next morning feeling more tired than usual. My eyes could barely open, and I was feeling extremely cold; I was shivering. I tried to speak; tried to call Alice, but I couldn't get a sound out of my lips. My throat hurt, and every time I tried to swallow, I felt a burn in the back of my mouth. My lips were dry, and I could almost taste my own blood. Luckily, I couldn't smell it, or I would have fainted again. Yet despite all these symptoms, I knew, I just _knew_ that I didn't simply have a cold or the flu. **(Author's Note: are colds and flues the same thing?) **

I tried again, to call for Alice. This time, I managed a noise that sounded like something between the quack of a dying duck and the moo of a cow being slaughtered, "Alice," I croaked.

"Hmm?" She bounded over to me.

Seeing my apparently sick-looking features, she touched her ice cold hand to my forehead. I didn't feel the frosty chilliness, unlike the last time I'd come down with the flu, and Alice had come look after me. Her hand felt the same as usual, not particularly freezing.

"Alice," I croaked again, "I feel awful."

"I know, Bella. I can tell," she frowned, "You're not all hot; that's strange. Your forehead is almost cold—it's not much warmer than mine. In fact, it's cooler than normal."

"Can you take me to Carlisle?" I asked.

"Of course, Bella, I was just going to suggest that."

She smoothed my hair, and bounced over to my closet for something for me to wear. Choosing a ruby red top that I would never voluntarily wear in my lifetime and a pair of blue jeans, she left me alone to change. When it became apparent that I could not lift my arms, she sighed, and had to help me. Finally, when I was somewhat more decent, she scooped me up in her not-so-cold arms, and ran downstairs, vampire speed. Luckily, she did not run into Charlie, and did not need to explain why Alice was carrying me in her arms.

When we got outside, I was surprised that she had a car waiting. Or more accurately, Edward's Volvo. This would've brought tears to my eyes, if I was thinking clearly. Today, I was just glad to be able to sit down and relax, and not have to worry about Alice dropping me on the ground—not that I'd admit that I'd ever doubted her.

It took a little more than twenty minutes to reach the Cullen's mansion. I was sure Alice could've made it there faster by running, but had sensed that I hadn't wanted to. She carried me all the way up the steps, and set me down only to open the door. By that point, my eyes were starting to water—not for any particular reason, or maybe it was whatever I was sick with.

I saw Carlisle approaching us, just as Alice put me down on a couch. He asked me the usual doctor questions—'How are you feeling?' 'At about what time did you notice that you were sick?' he then took my pulse, and finished the rest of the check-up.

"Bella," he began, "I'm not sure what you have. It's certainly not the flu," he confirmed what I had thought earlier, "You don't have a fever. I haven't heard of any viruses going around..." he babbled on, still in Dr. Cullen mode.

"I feel... sick," I stated the obvious, "What should I do?"

"Well, I think you should stay here, at least for today. I'll give Charlie a call—I think this is the first time we're calling to tell him that you're sick and you actually are."

I sighed. I listened in on Carlisle's call to Charlie. Since I could only hear Carlisle's side of the conversation, I couldn't really make out what was happening. All I could understand was that Charlie wanted to come home early to check on me, but Carlisle insisted that I was fine. When he hung up, Carlisle suddenly turned to me.

"Bella, I think I know what you have," he said.

"Good," I mumbled.

"I don't understand, though... it's not a very contagious disease... I thought..."

"What?" I asked.

"Bella," he seemed to suck in a breath, "Your... illness; humans cannot catch it, supposedly."

"What do I have?"

"Well, being a very... rare, sickness, it does not have a name. I can tell you the symptoms, though."

I nodded, but then I felt everything start swirling around into an incomprehensible mass of colors. Immediately, I stopped.

"Very well. This, hmm... disease, that you have, is actually, well, I won't tell you the more unpleasant details. You can tell when you have this... condition, if you will. The indications are very clear. You will feel like you have a cold or perhaps eaten something that did not agree with your stomach. It cannot kill; it is merely very, very painful. You may not feel it yet, but..."

"If it's not contagious, then how did I catch it?"

"That's the problem, I don't know. It's only a twenty-four hour thing; fortunately, you should be back on your feet by tomorrow."

Something about the way Carlisle was talking seemed to alert my senses: he did not seem to be telling the complete truth. Oh well, I thought, it's not as if my life's not bad enough anyway.

I closed my eyes, and fell into a reluctant sleep. I dreamed of Edward and I, sitting in our meadow, with him right beside me—I could feel the coolness radiating off his body. He was humming Esme's song. When that ended, my personal Greek god was whispering something in my ear. 'I'll always love you forever, Bella. Forever, I promise. Every single day, every single moment of forever. Even death will not separate us.' How true, I thought at the time, how very, very true.

When I awoke, I could hardly open my eyelids. I struggled to call out to Alice; it was as if my mouth and eyes were sealed with superglue. I didn't know how I sensed it, what with the constant buzzing in my ears, but I was suddenly aware of Alice, leaning over me. She was saying something so fast that I could hardly hear anything, let alone snatches of the conversations. By the time she had completely explained the situation to Carlisle and Esme, I had only caught three words: Edward, maybe, and hope.

Alice took some water, and poured it onto my lips. It immediately began to feel like I was burning—not the kind that caused you immense pain, but the kind of burn in your chest after you've ran a marathon. She dabbed her cool fingers into the water, and brought it up to touch each of my lids twice. My eyes fluttered, I could see. But what I saw was definitely not what I had been expecting, or what I wanted to see.

Luckily, the ringing in my ears was gone as well, I could hear perfectly fine again; that is, as well as a human can. "What were you saying, Alice?" I could barely whisper now; my throat burned. I gestured to the water, which she handed to me. Gulping it down noisily, I looked at her, apologetic, but she understood what it was like to feel as if your entire being was on fire.

"Oh, it was nothing."

"I heard you mention Edward."

"Look, Bella," she sat down on the couch beside me, "What we were discussing... it is not something that you'd want... that you should know."

"Tell me," I spoke softly as to not again abuse my talking privileges, with my throat issue, "Please."

"Bella," she suddenly sobbed, taking me completely by surprise, "Oh, Bella! I saw... I foresaw... I saw you die! How could this...? I mean what...?"

"Shh, Alice," I murmured to her.

"Oh! I hate this... this is..."

Suddenly, her body stopped heaving, and she looked to the door, suspicious. She hissed, her eyes wild with fear, though I doubted it was for herself. She looked like the vampire I knew her to be.

"Alice!" I managed to add a little bit of urgency into my voice.

"Shh!" she hissed, her eyes not leaving the door. She pulled me closer to her, and snarled. It was low and menacing, not like her playful little growls.

I obediently closed my eyes, knowing that's what she would've wanted me to do. I couldn't hear anything; it was starting to sound almost too quiet. What was Alice doing? Suddenly, she lifted me up into her arms, and my scream was blocked by her stone-cold hand, for which I was thankful.

She didn't set me down until we were upstairs, in Edward's room. Then, she closed the door silently, and walked gravely over to me. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. All that could possibly be wrecked in my life was already completely ruined; what else could hurt me? Alice acted like it had something to do with me, and, truth be told, normally, things just were. With my luck, I couldn't even go through one day without having a vampire stocking me.

"What was that?" I asked, my voice returning to me. The pain was dulling as well, just a numb sort of feeling that I didn't mind.

"Someone... a vampire, which is all I know for now."

"Do you know... the vampire?" I asked.

"No, but I recognized the dog's scent on him. Why would a self-respecting vampire roll around in mongrel muck, I wonder?" she asked me, almost half talking to herself.

"By that... do you mean...?"

"Yes, Bella," she sighed, exasperated, "I mean that... Jacob. I think that this one has something to do with them. This is not a newborn, thank the heavens for that. I think that Aro is right, you do arouse very... interesting effects in our kind."

"Do you mean...?" I murmured, "Is he... she, _it_ coming for me?"

"Yes, I believe so," Alice still seemed worried, "That dog must've traded him something, raised a bargain. Why, though?"

I shrugged, not at all scared by this fact. Although I had never been truly suicidal, so desperate that I would want to kill myself (though does wallowing in despair count?) the thought that I could be with Edward forever—not even death being able to take him from me, it would always sound appealing.

I tried to imagine the world without me, or Edward in it. Would Charlie miss me? Would Renée? What would the Cullens do? Would Jacob try to avenge my death, knowing that it was my own fault? The questions were popping out of nowhere in my mind, I swayed.

"Bella?" Alice suddenly asked, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I realized that I had been babbling my questions out loud, and I blushed. Blood rushed up to my cheeks, and my entire face was as red as a tomato.

"Edward always loved it when you did that," she murmured sadly.

"Please, Alice."

"Oh, what?" she sounded distracted by something, "Anyway, what I was about to say was, don't ever think something like that ever again."

"Yes," I murmured, as I was becoming tired yet again. I was sleeping so much these days; I was surprised that I didn't weigh five hundred pounds.

"Go to sleep, Bella," Alice told me, "You'll feel better tomorrow, I can see it."

**Author's Note: I am fully aware that this chapter basically sucks, if you like it, I will bow down at your feet. Anyway, I hope the next chapter will be better, but if it isn't I will give you a virtual cookie. Thanks for reading my story! Yay for all of you, and thanks for people who have left reviews! (This is not a good bye letter, I am fully intending on writing another chapter... in the next twenty seconds or so it takes my computer to upload this chapter/open a Word document)**


	8. Chapter Seven

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Alice was right. I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, and somewhat happier. I was surprised to wake up on Edward's bed—the one he had bought when he had left for a hunting trip and had Alice 'kidnap' me **(Author's Note: This is in Eclipse)**. However, my happy mood could not cure my hideous looking hair, something that Alice was bound to renovate.

Just as I had predicted, Alice came bounding in about three seconds later with a hairbrush, hair products, (including gel, dye, and many other things that she could not pay me to use) and a pile of clothing hanging off her right arm. If she were human, the colossal weight of all these beauty products would probably tear her arms off, not to mention leave them sore for many, many weeks.

"Alice!" I moaned, "Please, no."

"I saw this in my vision, Bella, you'll love this. Well, maybe you won't like the process, but I assure you, the result will definitely be satisfying."

Inwardly, I groaned again, but obliged to what she wanted me to do. Seeing my small nod, a gigantic smile appeared instantly on her face, quite a funny sight on her pixie-like features, and I would've laughed had she not subjected me to be tortured with a comb.

I got up, instinctively doing my bed; fluffing out the pillows, pulling the covers down, and such. As I turned to look at Alice again, she looked at me, baffled. I was just as surprised.

"Which one should I use?" she asked, gesturing to one type of hair gel and another.

"Neither!" I said, "Alice, please don't do this to me!"

"I promise I won't go overboard," she assured me, "I just want to make you look nice for your first day back at school."

Oh, I thought, that's why. But then, I thought of something else, "Why?" I asked, "So I can have all the guys staring at me, and Lauren glaring at me like I've just murdered her entire family again? Because I can tell you right now, I will not do that."

"Fine, hair gel is out of the question," Alice said, "I don't like how it turns out."

I breathed out, and then continued, "Alice, could you get me some water?" to distract her, I thought to myself.

"Of course," she dropped everything she was holding (which was quite a lot) and dashed downstairs, and was sitting on my bed again before I could blink. In her hand was a glass of water, just what I asked for, and she passed it to me.

"Thanks," I murmured the fire in my throat completely gone.

"Welcome," Alice muttered absentmindedly, then seemed to remember what she was talking about, "And, anyway, it can't hurt. I'm a vampire, I have forever to grieve, and well, you understand. But your lifetime will pass by so quickly, if you spend the rest of it missing Edward, I know you will not enjoy it. Where's the harm in finding a human to spend your life with?"

"The harm is that I don't want to!" I almost yelled, "I don't want anyone but Edward. I won't be happy with anyone but Edward! I REFUSE to be happy with anyone but Edward!" by the end of my little rant, Alice seemed dazed again, though I knew this time, it was because of a vision.

I knew better than to try to get Alice to pay attention to me while she was 'foreseeing' something. I sat quietly, savoring the last moments of quietness before Alice started chattering uncontrollably again, not to mention kill me with all of her 'weapons.'

After a few more minutes, Alice snapped out of her vision, if not involuntarily. It seemed that she did not see anything of great importance, as she started prodding me with a brush again. After several hairdos, which included dying my hair bubblegum pink, wounding it into a bun on the back of my head, pigtails on the side, and quite a few more rather ridiculous styles, she finally seemed to get it right. Handing me a mirror, I gasped, for the person in the reflection could not possibly be me. She hadn't changed the color of my hair, but made tiny braids with my chestnut brown hair, running down the sides of my head, which she then tied up to the top of my head. There was makeup all over my face, covering up almost all of my skin. However, I couldn't complain that it was ugly—it was one of Alice's best creations, and considering all those 'creations' that Alice made...

"Thanks," I told her, "You were right!"

She then packed my bag for me at vampire speed, then ran home to get her Porsche. I walked downstairs slowly, holding the rail, and trying not to wreck my newest hairdo by tripping down a stair. When I finally got down to ground level, I went to the kitchen immediately. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, and of course, adding in the milk, I quickly ate my breakfast, rinsed, and replaced the bowl and spoon.

No more than five minutes later, Alice reappeared, moody Jasper in tow. I was surprised—I hadn't seen Alice's 'husband' in a long time. I saw him look up to meet my eyes for a brief second, before staring down at the floor. I felt my face starting to get red, curse my stupid habit of blushing!

The whole way Alice drove me to school, I stared down at the floor. Everything was silent, not one person (which included the vampires) spoke, and it was starting to get a bit awkward when finally we arrived. Alice definitely wasn't her usual chattering, cheerful self. As we pulled up into a parking space, I noted several people pointing at us. Whether it was because of my appearance, or the car, I couldn't tell.

As I walked across the parking lot, I realized that people were staring at me. Probably because of what Alice had done to my hair, I thought, that's it. I quickened my pace, my bag slung over my shoulder. The bell rang, leaving a buzz in my ear. I was going to be late—not that the teachers would notice, now that half the entire school was outside staring at me.

By the time I'd gotten to first period—English—my cheeks were scarlet. I tried to concentrate on what the teacher was talking about, but that was a bit difficult when the whole class was basically analyzing your every move. Luckily, Alice was sitting beside me, whispering; don't worry, over and over in my ear. Now, I was a bit sorry that Jasper hadn't come with us.

When first period ended, I ran into Lauren Mallory, of all people. "Hey, bitch," she said, **(Author's Note: Sorry for the language, but I'm trying to get Lauren's personality, and it isn't all that easy, without using the word with the definition of a female dog) **"Where were you? We missed you, didn't we?" she asked, pulling Jess out of the crowd heading off to gym.

"Umm... sure, yeah. Look, Lauren, I have to go, I promised Mike I—" she trailed off, running away at first opportunity.

"Please, Lauren, just leave me alone," I said, keeping my eyes level with hers.

"All polite now, aren't we?" she sneered, "Thought your reaction would be something like that."

"Umm... yeah. So if you'll excuse me..." I dodged past her, and blended in with the mob heading off to second period biology.

I tripped once on the way there, and was caught unexpectedly by... the stranger looked oddly familiar, in a strange way. I was absolutely positive that I had never seen him before, but then I noticed the golden hue in his eyes. He lifted me up with freezing cold hands, and smiled once, before walking away.

I spent all of biology in a daze, not even noticing when the teacher picked me to answer a question. Who was this mysterious stranger? I knew for sure that he was a vampire, and a vegetarian one, at that. Did he know Edward? I decided to corner him after school to see.

By the time it was lunch, I was practically in a coma. I decided to ask Alice about this 'person.'

"Alice," I said, playing with the apple I was holding in my hand, "Do you know... about any other vegetarian vampires?"

"Of course," she answered, "There's the Denali coven in Alaska."

"No, I meant here," I amended, "Here, in Forks."

"Why do you ask?" she sounded surprised.

"I... think I saw one today," I replied.

"How?" she asked, a bit skeptical.

"Well, I was on my way to biology... when I tripped, and well..."

"He caught you, yes. I think I remember seeing something about that, but I never thought he could be a vampire."

"I'm pretty sure," I said, "He had golden eyes, and his skin was really cold."

"Our topaz eyes may not be common, Bella, but they aren't impossible to come across on a human. And have you considered that he may have just come in from outside? It's quite cold today."

"Oh," I said. Of course I had considered this possibility, but I guess I was too focused on thinking about whether he knew anything about Edward. "I was thinking maybe we could... ask him, after school."

"We can't risk asking directly if he isn't, Bella," she said, "It might reveal that _we_ are. The Volturi don't give second chances, remember."

I bit into the apple, then continued, "What if we ask indirectly?"

"Like, how? Go up to him and ask whether he's related to Dracula?"

"Yes, something along those lines, probably," I admitted.

"Why do you want to know, Bella?" she asked.

"I want to see... I want to know whether he knew something about... Edward."


	9. Chapter Eight

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

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****I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE:( I know I usually take, like, what? One day to do like, two chapters, but I... well, no excuses. I hope you like this chapter!**

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That afternoon, after school, we cornered this 'visitor' in the parking lot. We, being Alice and I, of course. The 'person' didn't look frightened at all, not even under Alice's intensifying glare. Further proof that he was a vampire.

"Hello," Alice said.

"Good afternoon," he replied politely.

"Who are you?" Alice sure knew how to cut to the chase.

"You may call me... Jay," he said in a voice full of authority, "There is no need to tell you my name, and I am sure that finding out what my title is, is not your intention. Can I help you?"

"I did not mean your name, Mr. Jay, as you very well noted, but, yes please," Alice said, "Do you know anyone by the name of... Edward?"

"I am under the impression that you do," he was playing games with us.

"Please answer our question," Alice said.

"Yes, I do, actually. There are many Edwards in this world, which... whom are you talking about?"

"Edward... Cullen," I said.

"Hmm... I believe I do know someone by this name. And I also believe... know, actually that he is dead. Sorry if that fact does not appeal to you," he sneered.

"Yes... he is," a single tear flowed down my cheek.

"And you would like him back," Jay said. How did he seem to know everything we were talking about?

"How did you know?" I asked out of true curiosity.

"You, little human just assume I know," he grinned, "I was merely guessing. It wasn't that hard actually; it's all in the—"

"Ahem, Mr. Jay," Alice continued to acknowledge him by this name, "We did not come to ask how you know what we are thinking."

"You do want him back, is that correct?" he asked.

"Yes," I murmured, though I was sure that he would hear.

"I am sorry to tell you that there is no enchantment to enable you in bringing back the dead."

I could tell that tears were threatening to let themselves free, and fought to keep my emotions in check.

"But that does not mean you cannot see him again."

Alice was suddenly hurling herself at him, bashing 'Mr. Jay' with her tiny fists. "No!" she screamed, "She won't! How dare you suggest...!"

"Ahem," I cleared my throat, "Can someone please tell me what you're talking about?"

"He... he proposed that we... we kill you! He says that's the way... the only way... promise me, Bella! You won't!"

"If that's my only choice..." I whispered to myself.

"NO! Edward wouldn't want you to, Bella!" she cried.

"Get off of me, you fool," he brushed her off with a single swipe of his fingertips. Alice fell to the floor sobbing. I could only stare in shock.

"Anything to get me back to him," I murmured softly.

"See, the human agrees," Jay said, "I don't see why you're so against it... Do you often play with your food?"

I trembled, whether it was with fear, or anger, I didn't know. All I knew was that I suddenly hated this Jay person, perhaps even more than James and Victoria. He knew how to get Edward back, and yet he wouldn't help me! Sure, maybe I was being selfish, but I had done enough, gone through enough pain to see Edward's face again, surely? I hadn't even realized that tears were dripping down my cheeks at a miraculous rate until Jay stuck his finger in my face and wiped away a tear.

Sticking it into his mouth, he murmured, "You know, Edward's right. You do have an interesting... flavor."

"C-can you g-guys please give it a r-rest with the B-Bella taste's good thing?" due to all of my trembling and stuttering, my annoyance was wrongly interpreted.

"Well, I'm not going to eat you," Jay said. He turned his eyes toward mine and I felt myself get lost inside of them. What was I doing? I shrugged out of my trance, and focused on the ground.

Jay chuckled. "You're better than I thought. Maybe you are something special." He was talking more to Alice than me, and more to himself than Alice.

"Sh-shut up," I glowered at him, trying to sound intimidating but again my tear ducts wouldn't let me.

"Aww... how cute," he sneered, "The human thinks I should shut up. Why should I listen to you, little human? Why should I? Why would I? Why should someone like me have to listen to some_thing_ like you?"

"Back off," Alice had picked herself up, and placed her body between me and Jay, "Get out, don't make me make you."

"Let's rephrase that," Jay said, all pleasantries gone, "How about I kill the human, and I let you go? We all get what we want. I get to have my first meal in the last ten days, you get to go home unscathed, and the human will get to be with her darling Edward."

"Don't lie," Alice hissed, "We both know that there is nothing after this. If there is, we wouldn't be there."

"Aww... has Eddie convinced you that you 'have no soul' too, dearest Alice? I was under the impression that you were smarter than that."

Alice's eyes narrowed into mere slits, "Get out!" she screeched.

I saw a few people wandering past their cars, talking, and notice us. Damn it! I thought. We should've chosen a more people-less place. I was going to pay for it now. I hoped Jay would not think that these humans—Mike, Tyler and Jessica—were of any importance to me. I crossed my fingers, and closed my eyes. Hopefully he would mistake that for fright. And if he didn't, well...

"Ahh... care to join us, Mr. Newton, Mr. Crowley, and Ms. Stanley?" clearly, luck was not with me.

"What era is this guy from, the fifteenth century?" Mike was clearly still trying to impress me, now that Edward was out of the picture, or so he thought.

Jessica shook her head impatiently. "Mike, can we leave now? You've gotten what you need, and it's getting cold."

"I don't think so," Jay said, smiling.

"Who are you to tell us what to do?" Tyler challenged.

"Oh I'm not telling you what to do. I am merely saying that you may not leave. Feel free to wander around this ten-meter radius."

"Dude, like, whatever," Jessica said. Waving her hand, she walked away to the car.

Jay looked like he was going to pounce on her for a second, but then his stance relaxed. He turned back to us. "You're lucky I'm not thirsty, Swan. I'll see you soon."

I shivered again, and fell sideways, half-toppling onto Alice. Since there were humans present, Alice had to maintain the act of falling over.

"Gotta go," Jess waved to me, and I gave her a shaky smile before getting up.

As Mike, Tyler, and Jessica walked out of the parking lot, I heard Mike whisper, "Is she going out with that guy or something? What's he mean he'll see her again? Isn't she gonna give the rest of us guys a chance?"

"Whatever," Jessica said again.

"She can probably hear you from there, shush it!" Tyler said.

As soon as they disappeared from view and hearing range, I collapsed again, into Alice's waiting arms. "Why does everything always happen to me?" I moaned.


	10. Chapter Nine

**CHAPTER NINE**

I was practically shaking when we left the school building that night. Alice had to carry me to the car, while no one was watching. I could hardly stand, and I was in hysterics by the time we entered the Porsche. I was clutching at my hair, almost pulling them out of their roots. Not for the first time since Edward's 'absence,' as we had now come to know of it, I wished for Jasper's presence.

I only looked up as we arrived at my house. "Come over tonight, please, Alice," I requested, though she would've been here anyway.

"Of course, Bella. If it will make you feel better."

"Well, I'd be happiest if... well, you know what I'm talking about... but... I just wanted to talk to you about... what Jay said."

"We'll sort it out, don't worry about it Bella," she tried to but on a cheerful mood for me, and I was sad to know that her efforts were wasted, "You make it sound like you don't trust us! You're breaking my cold, dead heart, you know."

"Thank you, Alice."

I walked inside by myself. I could hear Alice driving away, and Charlie was bound to be home soon. I took as long as I possibly could with dinner, for lack of things to do, and then went upstairs to my room to finish my homework. It took less than half an hour to finish up on the light load that I had gotten for today, even when I'd double checked everything at least twice. Maybe I was getting paranoid. Normally, that is, before Edward's death, I would be thankful if I didn't have any work to do from school, but now I was bored, not to mention getting depressed all over again. So obviously, I was very thankful when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up in the driveway. Charlie, like me, was not much of a talker, but this would keep me sufficiently distracted until I went to bed.

I heard Charlie stomp on the mat placed in the doorway, and I turned to the kitchen to get ready to serve dinner. Charlie murmured hello to me, before sitting down at the table. He turned the TV onto the sports channel, before digging in. I stared at a wall as I ate, seeing shapes in the unadorned whiteness. I saw a star, a flower, and an angel. I looked away after about three minutes, and looked up at Charlie.

I wasn't the one to strike up conversation; however, Charlie beat me to it.

"How was school today?"

"Oh, nothing new," I said, "Same old, you know." The truth was that I could barely remember anything that had happened today after my confrontation with Jay.

"It was pretty boring at the station, too, today," Charlie supplied, "We mostly played cards all afternoon."

"Yeah," I said awkwardly.

"Umm... yeah. So..."

This was starting to get really uncomfortable. I sighed, getting up. "I'm going to go take a shower and then go to bed. Good night, Dad."

"Sure, good night, bud." He was staring intently at the TV now.

I trudged up the stairs, again very slowly, and was not at all surprised when I saw Alice at the top step. "Hey, Alice," I said.

"Hi, Bella. You wanted to tell me about something Jay said, right?"

Sometimes, it was annoying to talk to someone that already knew exactly what you were going to say. "Umm... yeah, but could you wait a bit? I have to take a shower."

"Of course, Bella. I'll be waiting for you in your room."

"Thanks, Alice. Appreciate it!" I grabbed my old sweatpants and a shirt—the outfit I'd always worn to bed when Edward was here, and bustled to the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth first, trying to take my time, and yet at the same time, not make Alice get impatient. An almost impossible task that I'd managed to accomplish. Stepping into the shower, I turned on the hot water and lost myself as the practically boiling water hit my skin. I sighed. Steam was rising quickly, clouding the mirrors. I turned off the water, so as to not waste all of the hot water, and stepped back out. I quickly dried myself with a towel, so as to not keep Alice waiting, and pulled on my pajamas.

I walked down the hall to my room, and quickly opened the door. Alice was staring out my window, and turned around, clearly acknowledging the fact that something was bothering me.

"Bella?" she asked.

"Mm-hmm?"

"You wanted to talk to me, didn't you?"

"Oh... um... yes," how was I going to phrase this so that she didn't freak out? "You know what Jay said this afternoon?"

"Yes. That is one conversation that, even as a human, I wouldn't be forgetting any time soon."

"Well, yes. You know how... when I asked him if I could somehow bring Edward back?"

"We are not going to kill you, Bella. Don't even think about it."

"But...! I..."

I wanted... no, I _needed_ to be with Edward. I had survived so long already; I'd thought that I was going to be okay. But that was clearly not so. Whenever I thought of Edward, my breath caught in my throat. Tears would appear in my eyes. I had once told Renée that a boy would never have this kind of effect on me... how very wrong I was.

"Think of your family, Bella. How would they feel?"

"You are my family," I stated, "You know the truth. You would know that this is what I need to be happy."

"Well... then, if I can't convince you like this... again... how would Edward feel?"

"I know we've had this conversation more than once, Alice..."

"More than once is an understatement... we must've been on this topic at least a dozen times," she muttered.

"Well... my point is... Oh I don't know!" I suddenly burst out, not knowing what was wrong with me. Edward's death had apparently triggered something in me.

"Shh... Bella, shh... Charlie is downstairs; he might come up to check on you."

"I don't care..." I sobbed, "I don't care anymore. Kill me Alice, just kill me! I don't want to live anymore. Living... it means nothing to me. Please, please Alice! I... I..."

"Shh..." Alice comforted me, stroking my hair, murmuring things in my ear.

This, of course, had the opposite effect, since this was exactly how Edward soothed me whenever I was flustered. I sobbed into her shoulder, trying to block the image of Edward's face from my mind, unsuccessfully.

"Please, Alice! I can't... I don't want to... I can't go on anymore, Alice."

"Please don't tell me you're suicidal again, Bella. I'd understand if you were trying to get back to my brother, but if you just want death to escape your problems, I'm...well, I'm not actually afraid, but, no one I know will help you achieve this desire of yours."

"Alice... tell me. How can you do this to me? You're denying a starving person of food—you're not allowing me the one thing that I want! How could you be so selfish?!"

Alice's eyes turned pitch black right then. "Guilt will not be the emotion that leads to your death, Bella. That I can make sure of. You will live on this Earth until you die of a natural death—how that may be, I don't really care. But I will not allow you to kill yourself."

Alice turned to leave; I realized that I was ashamed—how could I force this upon Alice? "Stay, Alice, please. I'm sorry."

"If me being here has only caused you to cry... maybe I should leave..." her tone was sincere, not using reverse psychology to admit that maybe I wasn't really ready to go yet. Something was holding me here, I was sure of it. I had never been a great believer of things like fate, but now I knew that I could not be without a reason.

"I don't want you to leave, Alice," I said in a small voice.

"How do you think I feel about your... behavior? I'm feeling extremely sorry for my poor Jasper at the moment."

I realized how much pain I must be unleashing on him, even though it was unintentionally. I tried to stop the tears, and succeeded.

"Bella... I'm sorry," Alice said, suddenly. Somehow, her words seemed to have a double meaning—not just sorry for Edward's death... something more.

"Why?"

"Bella... we are leaving. We're... we're moving."

"What?!"

"Well... Jasper, Rose, Emmett, and I have already graduated from high school, Carlisle can't pull off being any older, and people are getting suspicious... and well..." I sensed that she was making excuses.

"It's because of me, isn't it?"

"Well... yes. It's mostly for Jasper, you understand. And... I can't stand being apart from him, you know that. And Esme doesn't want us to be split up again—that brief period where Edward," she waited while I winced at the name, and continued, "Went to South America was painful. She doesn't want us to separate again, which means that she will be coming with us. That of course, means that Carlisle will be coming as well... and Rose and Emmett have already agreed..."

I tried to hold back another sob, but it escaped me. "In how long?"

"Well... we're moving next month."

"A month?! When did you make this decision?!"

"Charlie's coming," Alice said, but I knew she was just putting off the conversation for later. I would not forget.

"Please don't leave, Alice," tears were flowing freely down my cheeks, as they had quite frequently lately.

"We won't be going yet, Bella. Go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning."

I felt the absence of her weight on the blankets, and murmured a faint goodbye that I was sure she could hear. Charlie opened the door, just as I hunched into a ball under the blankets, faking sleep. I threw in a snore for effect, but that might've been pushing it over the edge. I heard the door click as Charlie closed it, and opened my eyes. Alice was already gone.

How could she leave me? After all that had happened... if the Cullens left, then I really had no more of a reason to live. Not that they would care, I realized. To them, I was just another human—one of the many they would meet, and fall in love with in their extremely long 'lifetime.' I wiped the tears off my cheek, but to no avail, as they kept on coming. I sniffed, and thought of all of the happy times I've had with them—with Edward, and the rest of the Cullens, maybe even the Hales. I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter, but who was I kidding? I wallowed in self-pity, trying to find reason. But I couldn't... no matter how hard I tried. At some point, unconsciousness took me away from my body, I and went with it gladly.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, before my eyes closed.


	11. Chapter Ten

**CHAPTER TEN**

Alice came to pick me up in the morning—it was Saturday, and I did not have anything to do, besides cry my eyes out, that is. Charlie had already left to go fishing, I found out, seeing the sticky note sticking to the fridge. I stared straight ahead as Alice drove. She really was miserable, I realized, she didn't even make a fuss about my clothes this morning. We arrived at the Cullens. I found that the house looked barely lived in. The garden in the front looked like it hadn't been attended to in months. You'd think I'd notice something like this... poor Esme.

"Come in," Jasper called from somewhere in the house, loudly for my benefit, but I noted that Alice winced as the noise hit her ears.

I followed Alice, still staring at something incoherently, this time my feet. Alice was completely silent and stone-faced the entire time. I wondered if I'd done something to upset her.

"Come, Bella," Alice sighed, opening the door for me. I followed without a word.

Everyone was sitting in the living room of the Cullens' mansion. Rosalie appeared to be angry, and Emmett was trying to soothe her, whispering something quiet in her ear that I couldn't hear. Esme looked at me, her motherly eyes with a heartbreaking expression. I felt guilty, tearing apart this family. I couldn't believe that I could be the one doing this to them.

"Bella," Carlisle said, politely, but without interest.

"Hello Carlisle," I whispered, clearing my throat, "Can I have something to drink, please?" I asked Esme.

Silently, she stood, and within five seconds, she was back with a glass of water. I downed it in one gulp, and then turned back to Carlisle. "Alice says that you... you're moving?"

"I'm sorry," Esme said, her face crumpling, but no tears coming.

"Please... don't leave me," I choked, "Take me with you!"

For once, Emmett did not say something obnoxious like, 'the whole point is to get away from you.' He looked at me, sorrow clear on his innocent child-like face.

"Bella," Carlisle reasoned, "Where we are going, we cannot possibly take you, without your father getting suspicious. Your face would appear on every single billboard in North America, and I don't suppose that telling him your real intention would be a very good idea either."

"Where are you going?"

"Well, we are first going up north to the Denali clan, where we will stay for a few years," he saw me wince as the thought of a 'few years.' "Then, we will probably move to somewhere in Asia, or Europe, up north. As I said, it's not really possible for you to come with us."

I couldn't believe that I was accepting them moving so easily. I nodded, not a single tear splashing down my cheeks. I was surprised. "Yes."

"You'll probably never see us again, Bella," Alice looked down at the floor sadly, "I'm so sorry..."

I sank back into the empty, black numbness, and was glad for it. I felt my body falling to the ground, and hitting the cold, hard floor with my shoulder blade, but somehow, I was still conscious. I couldn't feel the physical pain, but inside, my heart was breaking again. I could see Esme holding me up consciously, and asking Carlisle something. I couldn't understand what she was saying. I didn't understand anything; I stared at a wall, a ceiling, the floor. My eyes were glassy, but not allowing the water droplets to fall. I bit down on my lip hard, just to feel it. I knew that my blood was spilling onto the ground, and I could tell that Jasper was lunging at me, but Emmett was holding him back. I would be sorry later, I decided. For now, I would bask in the darkness.

I felt my eyes finally close, but first, I looked at the faces of each of the Cullens and Hales, committing them to memory. I remembered Carlisle's blonde hair, how he had always seemed like a fatherly figure, even to me, even more than Charlie, perhaps. I remembered Esme's motherliness, how she always felt the need to take care of us. I remembered Emmett's playfulness, not to mention his 'bigness.' I remembered Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie. I tried not to see their devastated expressions, and instead focus on their physical facial features. With that, I slid carefully into unconsciousness.

When I awoke, which could've, and probably was, months later, the fog, the cloud around my mind was gone. I was very aware of everything surrounding me, of the warmth of the bright sunshine that was no longer a part of my life, of the birds chirping outside of my window, of all the things I would one day have to leave, whether or not the Cullens wanted me to. I realized that I was lying in my own bed. I heard Charlie say, "She's awake."

I didn't know who he was talking to, but didn't feel like getting up. Instead, I cracked open one eyelid, and saw Jay standing in my room, not two feet from my bed. Jay! Of all people, why was he the one here?

"Charlie?" I groaned, my voice cracking, whether from the sadness or thirst, I couldn't tell.

"Bells? Are you alright?" he seemed genuinely concerned, not knowing what had happened to me.

Then again, I couldn't remember either. What was it that had me so depressed? I remembered Charlie, and Jay. I remembered _them_... But I could sense that they were not the most important ones. I knew that someone else was there. A blurred face appeared in front of my vision. I knew this face... I could remember his voice, I remembered everything about him... but I couldn't remember his name. I couldn't remember why he was so important to me. I remembered him kissing my cheek, telling me it was alright, that I was safe, that no one would hurt me. Okay, so he was my boyfriend, then. But that didn't explain why he meant so much to me. Suddenly, the name popped up in my mind, and I felt a spasm of pain take over me.

"Edward!" I gasped.

Charlie looked at me with a broken expression on his face. I heard him mumble something that sounded like, "When is she ever going to get over that boy?"

"Where is Edward?!"

He looked stunned, like I was missing something. "Edward's gone."

"Where's Alice?!" I shouted.

"She's... not coming back," he said sadly, "The Cullens moved out of the state. Carlisle said they probably won't be coming back, said that Alice couldn't deal with the stress. Poor kid. Esme and Carlisle sure have their hands full with her, not to mention the rest of them. It's real kind of them, and all."

"No! Alice! Edward! Come back to me..." I sobbed.

"Umm... may I leave now Charlie?" Jay smirked behind Charlie's back, feigning the fact that he didn't want to be in the middle of a family crisis, but I knew that he was requesting to leave for another reason.

"Sure, sure," Charlie said, not turning around.

"Please tell me it's not true, Dad! It's not true, this can't be happening... first Edward... Why?"

"Well, like I said, Alice couldn't..."

"Why would she leave me?!"

"We can't be that selfish now, Bella."

"I'm sorry, Dad. It's just... I miss her. I miss Edward, I miss all of the Cullens—Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and even Rosalie..."

"Yeah, you and that Rose never did get along, did you?" He was trying to smooth the situation, but did I mention that he was not succeeding?

Charlie asked me whether he should stay home, but my reply was a no. The last thing I wanted was to share my pain. I saw him leave in the cruiser, and waved, though I knew that he couldn't see. I dragged myself back to bed, and lay there for what must've been hours. The next time my eyes opened, it was already three in the afternoon. I busied myself with chores that had already been done, checking, and double-checking homework I had already finished. Anything to get rid of the time I had stuck on my hands.

"Why?" I whispered to the silence.

At around four o'clock, I got a phone call. At first, I wasn't sure who it was, but then I realized that it was one of Charlie's friends, from work. He sounded sorrow, though I couldn't tell why, at first.

"Bells, I don't know how to tell you this."

"Tell me what?"

"It's just..."

"Please tell me."

"Charlie's gone," he said.

"Charlie? Wh... what?"

I wasn't sure I had heard him clearly, maybe he'd said 'Charlie's...' bon, con, don, fon... nothing else made sense.

"He's what?"

"Charlie's dead, Bella. I'm sorry."

"NO!" I screamed into the phone, imagining the officer holding the receiver a foot away from his ear. "NO! Why... Why Charlie?"

"I don't know, Bella. They found him near that big white house... the umm... Cuh... Cuh... Cullens, that's right. He was covered in blood; the doctors said that there was no way he would survive."

"Oh."

"I'm truly sorry, Bella."

A lot of people were saying that to me, lately. Who cared if they were sorry? Apologies did not return the person I'd loved.

"No... no, it's... it's..."

"The funeral's this Sunday."

I did a quick calculation in my head, today was Tuesday. Sunday was in five days. Five days before I had to endure the true meaning of Charlie being gone. I suppose this was a late sort of ceremonial sort of thing, for the death of Edward. I would be the only one there, I knew, suffering from the loss of all the people I loved.

"Your mother is arranging to come—"

I didn't hear any more. The phone dropped out of my hands, and I felt my head hit the cold kitchen floor. It took me a while to figure out that I was bleeding. But I didn't care. I had heard all that I needed to hear. I curled up into a tight ball, unconsciousness settling in like a thick fog. I was aware of someone screaming at somebody, but I didn't understand. I didn't try to fight anymore, there was no point. My last thought was that maybe, I would be with my dear Edward soon.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

FLASHBACK!

"_He's gone, Bella."_

_The phone slipped out of my fingers, clanging to the floor. My entire body went limp, I couldn't even stand. I let out a muffled sound, before my head hit the ground, hart._

END FLASHBACK!

I didn't remember much of what happened, except that I was suddenly in a brightly lit room. I was in the hospital, I realized. I was lying on one of those lumpy hospital beds. I looked around, and saw my mother sitting in a chair, in the corner of the room, fast asleep, though twitching, like she was having a bad dream.

"Renée?" I called out.

"Wh-what?" she asked in a sleepy voice, then sat straight up in her chair with speed that was almost comical in human terms.

"Why am I in the hospital?"

"Oh! Oh, darling, I was so worried! Bella, we found you in the kitchen of Charlie's house; you were bleeding... a lot. It looked like your head had been cracked open, you wouldn't believe! There was blood everywhere, ugh! I couldn't stay in the same room, it was... pardon me, Bella, disgusting! I'm sorry, but... you know how I am. And you looked so... hurt. Not in the physical sense, of course. I was afraid you were trying to kill yourself! Promise me you'll never do that to me again!" she said in a rush.

"What?!"

"I said..."

"No, I meant, you thought I was trying to kill myself?" I actually giggled, "Mom!" Then I sobered up, remembering why I was here. "I got a call from one of Charlie's friends... he's dead, Mom! He's gone... Why?"

"Yes, I, um... heard about that," to my surprise, Renée didn't sound very upset, though I knew I was probably imagining it.

"You... you don't care, do you?!" I was having these random mood swings again, though I tried hard to calm myself.

"Of course I do, dear... it's just that... my first concern was you, of course."

"Mom... why is... why is everyone I love leaving me?"

She looked hurt for a minute, and I rushed to add, "Except for you, Mom. But... Charlie, Edward... why?"

I heard her mutter something about 'still think she's in love with that boy, isn't she, silly girl.'

"I'm not a silly girl, I don't think I'm in love with Edward, I am, and... And..."

"Bella, calm down."

"You can't tell me what to do!" I screamed at her, which was a bit odd from my place on the bed.

"I'm your mother!"

I broke down right then, and started sobbing, "I'm sorry, Mom."

She sighed, "What am I going to do with you, Bella?"

My tears stopped as quickly as they came. "I am such an idiot."

"Don't say that, Bella. No daughter of mine is, was, or will be an idiot."

"I just can't believe it."

"I can't either, Bella... I don't... I don't want to..." for the first time in years, I saw Renée cry for a reason that wasn't just plain ridiculous, which brought out the part of me that would comfort my mother in this kind of situation.

"Its okay, Mom," I soothed her from my place on the bed.

"You really shouldn't be worrying about me, I'm sorry, Bella," she said through her silent tears.

"I'm used to it, Mom," I tried to laugh it off, but it just sounded like a cow being strangled.

"Well... you should be asleep now, Bella. I'm not supposed to keep you up."

"Don't worry, Mom, it's been so long since I talked to you, and not over the phone. I want to stay up."

"You really should be sleeping, my dear daughter. I'll wake you up..." she glanced at a clock on the wall which read three o'clock in the morning, "Around noon."

I was surprised at how late it was, and how Renée was still here. "You really shouldn't have stayed so late, Mom," I said disapprovingly.

"Shh, Bella, we'll talk in the morning."

"Alright..." I yawned, "I guess I am a bit tired."

I stretched, and then sank gradually into sleep.

Almost the second that my eyes closed, I began to dream. I dreamed of a meadow filled with green grass, and flowers. Trees surrounded this clearing in a forest that I was very familiar with, and sunshine streamed in through the cracks in the leaves. I walked forward to meet my Greek god, who was standing there, not three feet from me, with a smile on his face.

"Bella," he said.

"Edward!" I cried with joy, leaping into his arms.

"I missed you," he said.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you!" I said.

"Yes, I think I do, to some extent, at least, Bella," he grinned.

"Of course."

"It was painful to be alone, without you."

"You think?" I asked, sarcastic, but not letting any acid drip into my voice.

"The simple act of breathing is difficult to do, without you by my side," he said to me.

"You think everything's so much easier for me? And you were the one taken from me, not the other way around," I reminded him.

"My angel, you have not changed a bit."

"I hope you mean that in a good way."

"Of course, love," he murmured to me, just for me, "Anything, and everything about you is good—no, not just good, perfect."

"If you're referring to my tendencies of falling down with every single step I take, I doubt that that's perfect."

"No, this particular trait about you, I love it too. How else would I get to catch you, if you don't fall?" he smiled his crooked smile, making my heart melt, even if I were just dreaming.

We stood in our meadow for who knows how long, me in Edward's arm, doing nothing except for talking.

But suddenly, I heard a noise that sounded like thunder, and the sky instantly darkened. The daffodils, lilacs, violets, suddenly grew to taller than human height, growing sharp thorns. The ground was separating, like in an earthquake. But I knew that this was no natural disaster.

"Bella!" Edward shouted.

I tried to reach out, touch my fingertips to his, but couldn't without falling into the gaping black whole in the ground. In reality, I knew I would gladly walk through hell and back for him, but in this dream, for some reason, I couldn't get past the solid barrier.

"Edward! Come back!" I knew it was useless, saying this, but still, I screamed.

"I'll always love you, Bella," he whispered, before he was pulled away from me by the carnivorous flowers.

"I... I'll always love you, too, Edward," I said, a single tear dripping down my cheeks.

After a few moments, everything was dark, but I was still aware of where my own body was. After what seemed like a very short amount of time compared to the meadow, I knew I was waking up.

"Bella?" it was Renée talking to me.

"Y-yeah...? Mom?"

"Oh good, you're finally awake. I guess I forgot you still talk in your sleep, I thought you were awake," she said, sheepishly.

"What did I say?" I asked her, knowing that I didn't need to be embarrassed, since I was talking to my own mother, who'd known me for my entire life.

"Well, you said the name, 'Edward,' quite frequently, and you mentioned something about 'come back.'"

"Oh, yeah. I've been having that dream a lot," I replied to her, truthfully.

"Oh, and Bella?" she asked, pausing as if to ask me permission for something.

"Yes, Mom?"

"Well, you'll be out of here in a few days—half a week, at the most, probably and... I already made arrangements for you to come live in Jacksonville with me..."

"What about Charlie's house?"

"We... we being Phil and I, of course, got the place cleaned up, and... we sold it. I'm sorry if was against your wishes, Bella, but..."

"I'm old enough to get my own place, Mom, you don't need to..."

"Of course I do, Bella. I'm not the type of woman who makes her daughter who's recovering from a near-concussion get her own apartment in a matter of days."

"You don't need to go into so much trouble just for me, Mom, that's all I'm saying."

"I love you, don't forget that, Bella. You're coming with me to Jacksonville, that's the last we're saying on that. If you don't want to stay, you may move out, and we can arrange for somewhere for you to live, but I will not allow you to go wandering on your own right now."

I sighed, and smiled at Renée. She really could be so childish sometimes, but sometimes, she was also the best mother in the world. She would know... just about everything I wanted to do, and know how to fix my problems—at least the ones that she was aware of. I was not tired anymore, but I needed to think. I closed my eyes, and thought of Edward.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**CHAPTER TWELVE **

Living with Renée and Phil was very different from living with Charlie. True, Charlie would come to check on me, now and then, but he was not quite so... bothersome. Renée's eyes seemed to follow me everywhere I go, I couldn't leave the door without her asking me, 'Going somewhere?'

I did not say anything; however, I knew that Renée was only concerned. After a week, though, I could not stand it anymore. Her stare was becoming more of a glare, following my every move, assessing everything I did. I had become used to Charlie, who left me alone to do whatever I pleased. Thinking of Charlie brought a lump to my throat. Thinking of Charlie nowadays was equivalent to thinking of death. I couldn't stand Renée's stupid glower anymore, I had to leave.

"Mom?" I asked her one day, about one and a half weeks after my arrival at her cheerful, sunshine-filled, not to mention, extremely humid little house in Jacksonville.

"Yes, Bella?" She asked cautiously.

"Well... I was thinking of... moving out."

"You're going to leave me?!" she cried. At times like these, I wonder what went wrong with my mother—she was so babyish!

"Yes," I replied.

"But... but why?" her face crumpled up, a few tears falling down her cheeks.

"Because I need my space, Mom!" I shouted angrily, "Personal space. The bubble. Just... I can't stand you watching me all the time, Mom, it feels like there's someone stalking me or something!"

"B-but I was... just looking out for you!" she cried, "I wanted to make sure you were... safe... I don't want you to get hurt again!"

"Please, Mom."

"Fine... if you really think..."

"Yes, I do."

"When will you be leaving?" she asked as if I already had everything prepared.

"Well, I don't have a place yet, I just wanted to give you a heads-up. I'm sorry, Mom."

"Don't apologize, Bella. It's my fault. I... shouldn't try to keep you so close to me when... you obviously want to go..."

"Please don't give me the 'my little girl's growing up' talk, Mom," I groaned.

"But... I..."

"Look, Mom, it's no one's fault. Especially not yours. I'm probably just going to find an apartment or something near here, you can visit whenever you want."

"All... alright."

"Please stop crying, Mom," I sighed, exasperated.

"No... You're right, Bella."

That conversation had not actually ended with yelling or screaming, but it did not go well either. In fact, by the end of that week, my mother had all but kicked me out her door. I loved Renée, but, sometimes...

I had found myself a small apartment, about four miles from Renée's place. There was only one bedroom, and I could afford the rent for the first couple of months. It was small, but better than the commotion I would have to handle every day at my mom's. Of course, being without my truck, that was still a bit to walk, especially if it was everyday, what with my klutziness.

Not two days after my arrival at my new home, Jay showed up at my door.

"What are you doing here?!" I hissed, or as close as a human can get to hissing.

He looked down at me, his expression appearing to be amused. "What, am I not welcome?"

"Obviously," I managed.

"Well, I was under the impression that you would like to speak to a friend," he said, looking like he was holding back laughter for some reason that I couldn't fathom.

"A friend, maybe, you couldn't be farther from that."

"And why would that be?"

"I haven't forgotten how you... were, last time I saw you."

"Technically, the last time I saw you, you were asleep in the hospital."

"That doesn't count," I muttered, "It doesn't, because I wasn't awake, and I wasn't talking to you."

"Well, you're not about to shoo me out of your... uh... house, now, would you be?" he looked around with a genuine look of what appeared to be disgust.

"You did not come to insult my apartment, that I can tell," I told him.

"No, you're right, I didn't."

"Then why did you come?" I asked, playing along to whatever game he was playing.

"I came to see... how you were doing."

"Why should you care?" I asked, surprised.

"I realize that you must hate me, now, but..."

"Oh, come on, I had enough admirers back in Forks, I don't need another one!"

"Can I help it?" he grinned, "For a human, you sure are something."

"Ugh!" I shouted, taking him by surprise.

"'Ugh,' " he quoted, "Amazing. What a brilliant response, Isabella." His voice was dripping with sarcasm, and this pissed me off to the extreme.

"My name is Bella," I told him, angrily.

"Yes, I am aware of that." He seemed to like annoying me, a fact that I was not at all fine with.

"And you know that I don't like you, at all, right?" I told him.

He looked slightly hurt, which did not bother me a bit. This was better than having a nagging vampire knocking on your door every two seconds to ask you out to a movie—unless that certain vampire was Edward, of course. He recovered in less than three seconds.

"So..." I said, trying to make it clear how awkward this was for me.

"So," he imitated, "What do you want to do?"

"Anything that does not involve you," I said to him.

"And that would be...?"

"Right now, I would like to get myself my supper."

"You humans need to eat a lot, don't you?"

"As if you don't know!" I retorted.

"What, you expect us all to be like your little boyfriend? We're not all mind readers!"

"He is not my 'little boyfriend!'" I snapped, "He is the—"

"You humans know nothing about what real love is like," he seemed to instantly sober up.

"Well, I know I love Edward with all of my heart, and next to him, you are... a... no word describes how annoying you are!" I finished brilliantly... not.

"Come on, give me a chance," he said, "You could learn to love me."

"And _you _could learn the fact that when a girl says that she's not interested, she's not interested! Oh, and you're making this particular girl extremely irritated."

"Well, it wouldn't be fun, if you were actually going along with it, if you know what I mean."

"No, I don't know, or care what you mean. You are just so... gah!"

"Gah?" he asked in a bemused voice.

"Yes, gah. In girl talk, it means 'I want to slap you, so get out of my slapping range, before I snap.'"

"Well, we wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, would we?"

"Oh my god, just give it a rest. I am starting to not just 'not like' you... I exceptionally hate you!" wait, did that make sense?

"Somebody needs to learn themselves how to construct a sentence... Can you say interrogative?"

"Just... be quiet!" I was close to snapping.

"Whatever it is you want, malady."

"'Malady' my butt! Just... shut up!"

"And learn their manners too, tsk, tsk, tsk."

"Quit making small talk, just leave, please!"

"Whatever," he grinned.

"Well, you've seen me, I'm perfectly fine, as you can tell, now, can you please leave?"

"Why should I leave?" he asked.

He did not seem to be the type to be discouraged very easily, so I said, very rudely, I might add, "I don't want you to be here."

"Well, obviously."

"So, if you'd just... get out..." I said, pointing to the door.

"No, I don't think I'll do that, actually."

I sighed; he was beginning to be as irritating as Mike Newton! "Then please ignore me ignoring you, if you do actually plan on staying," I told him, tactlessly.

"Sure, whatever," he said, actually smiling. I could not believe this guy!

I went to my tiny kitchen, and began to heat up dinner—leftover lasagna from last night. It was spinning around in the microwave, so I had nothing to do, for about thirty seconds, besides stare at a ceiling. That is, unless I wanted to meet Jay's eyes, which was something that I definitely did not want to do.

When the awkward thirty seconds of horror were finally over, I carefully removed the container of lasagna from the microwave, trying to be very careful not to burn myself. I did not need another trip to the emergency room.

I was spearing my lasagna with a fork and twirling it around, when suddenly I thought of Edward. How he used to love to watch me eat, how he would fix up the most delicious dinners, and how... stop it, Bella! I told myself. I felt my eyes tearing up, and lay down my fork. I was not hungry anymore.

"What's wrong, Isabella?" Jay asked me, appearing oblivious to my earlier warning about my name.

"My name is _Bella_!" I shouted at him. Great, stupid mood swings. I was going to feel bad about this later. "I'm sorry," I said, "That was impolite."

"Just like everything you've done this afternoon," he said, "Ignoring isn't very kind either, you know."

I couldn't stop thinking about Edward. I was faintly aware of Jay carrying me to my room, and laying me down on the bed. I think I heard him leaving, but I wasn't sure. I was too caught up in my hallucinations, of my memories. My last thought was _I love you, Edward. I'll be with you one day. _I closed my eyes.

**Author's Note: Bella does NOT like Jay, does not, has not, and will never like him, I just wanted something to make this chapter somewhat interesting, and worth reading. Sorry if that wasn't clear. If you don't like this chapter, sincere apologies from me, but my imagination is not like, working today. And Jay will probably act as a vampire version of Mike Newton, so, no need to worry. I am totally against Bella and Edward not being, you know, together, so I will not be sticking Jay in there just to give my story a plot (that was just for this chapter, so sorry if you hated it, I really didn't like this chapter, so...) **


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

**Author's Note: This chapter basically describes Bella's life after she moved out from Renée's—I sort of forgot about it for chapter twelve... oops.**

I woke up with a serious headache, and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. Thirty minutes later I went to get some Advil. Pouring myself a glass of water, I thought of Edward. If heaven truly existed, he would be there, right now, waiting for me. That I was sure of—no matter how many times he insisted that he was soulless. If god had created a heaven, Edward would surely be there, and so would Charlie. I missed them both terribly. I had promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore, but this was the hardest task I'd ever had to accomplish.

After I gulped down the pill, I looked around my apartment. It could seriously use some tidying up, I thought. Every single flat surface that was raised off the floor was covered in books—I had been trying to lose myself in the classics, but it wasn't working very well. Everything reminded me of my love for Edward, and had usually resulted in me crying my eyes out.

I got up, and began the process of stacking the books into an orderly pile. After that, I threw them into a plastic bag, and made a mental note to return them back to the library. After all the books were back in their appropriate places, I returned to my bedroom. Making the bed was something I'd never done back at Charlie's, but now, it was something that I did very carefully, taking up as much time as I could.

I had dropped out of school after Alice, and the rest of the Cullens had moved, so classes were no longer something that could occupy my time. I picked out a tee and a pair of jeans, with a light blue sweater on top. It was more of sticking my hand into my closet and pulling out the first thing it touched, though. I threw my hair into a ponytail at the top of my head, and went to make myself breakfast. I wasn't hungry at all, but I knew I would be later, and if I passed out on a customer at work, the boss was definitely going to dock my pay.

Taking out the 'traditional' box of cereal, I poured it into a bowl, and emptied the last contents of a carton of milk into it. Taking a spoon, I ate it slowly. When I was finally done with that, I placed the bowl and spoon into the sink—no dishwasher, and quickly washed them out and lay them on the countertop to dry.

It was still only seven, and work didn't start until eight o' clock. It was only fifteen minutes to drive to work. I would take a walk first, I decided. I needed to clear my head, and it would take more time. I got my purse, and headed out of my apartment.

I had only walked about two blocks away, when I spotted a -------(**Author's Note: I know like, NOTHING about cars, so, like, just imagine whatever car you want, it's Jay's**) driving my way and stopping a few feet away from me, the door already opened. I was surprised, what was he doing here?

"Hello," he said pleasantly.

"Can I ask what you're doing?" I preferred to get straight to the point, as I got into his car.

"Driving you to work," he said it like it was obvious.

"And how do you know where I work?"

"I have my sources," he said, and I could tell he was holding back laughter.

"You've been following me?" I was shocked, and not in a good way.

"In the infamous words of your deceased," he grinned as I winced, "boyfriend, 'what else is there to do at night?'"

(**Author's Note: I don't know how Jay would find where Bella works at night, but like, imagine that she works night shifts sometimes or something. I felt like quoting Edward for some reason**)

"You... you stalker!" I shouted at him, definitely mad.

He shrugged, "And if I am?"

"You are the... most annoying person ever!"

"That I may be," he smirked, "But who's driving who to work?"

"I don't need you to!" I screamed at him, "In fact, I'm getting out!" In typical Bella style, however, I tripped on the way out, landing on my butt on the pavement.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Jay said, amused.

"Go away!" I screamed, tears screaming down my cheeks. Great, now I was going to be late.

"I could still drive you, if you wish."

"In your dreams!" I yelled, picked up my purse and ran as fast as I could (which was plenty fast, but slowed down many times by my clumsiness).

I got to work right on time and I was gasping for air. I ran up to the door, and pushed it open. My cheeks were flushed, too, due to my running, and I hobbled to the back of the restaurant. I was tired, and wishing that I'd accepted the ride from Jay, but then I would have lost the miniscule amount of dignity that I possessed.

I passed by Kay, the redhead who had been my best friend since 'the move,' as I had come to call it. She was carrying a tray of soup in one hand, and two glasses of coke in another, which looked like they were both dangerously close to falling.

"Hey Kay," I said to her, saving the soup just in time.

"Thanks, Bells," she answered, "You're running late," she teased.

"Yeah, I know, I'm actually _right on time_." I had a reputation for arriving half an hour before we opened up, and standing there with a book until they let us in. I was the only fulltime waitress they had, which made the others give me strange glances sometimes, which I ignored.

Right then, 'the boss' came to tell us to quit chitchatting and get to work.

For the rest of that tremendously long day, I carried trays upon trays of food to ungrateful customers. Not that I complained, but still. I got a few tips from some of the nicer ones, which I slipped into my pocket. By the end of the day, I was extremely tired, no, more like exhausted—it had been very busy. My arms were aching, and I didn't know how much further I could walk. I tried to keep up a smile for my friends, but they weren't getting fooled.

I took a break at around four o' clock, our least busy time, and headed down to the local coffee shop. I swung open the door. Ordering a coffee and a donut, I sat down at a table by the windows. Outside, the traffic wasn't very busy. Not that it ever was, here on this very remote street. I took careful sips as to not burn my tongue, but was not altogether succeeding at that.

As I turned to leave, I almost ran into someone. This someone I knew.

"Hello, Isabella." Great, just who I wanted to meet.

"Get out of my way, please, I'm having a bad day," I said, shoving him roughly to the side to get past him.

"Now, now, what kind of way is that to treat a caring friend?"

"Just leave me alone!" tears filled my eyes.

"Aww... don't cry, Isabella."

"MY NAME IS BELLA!" I screamed at him, attracting glances from the rest of the people in the café.

"Alright... Bella. Tell me what I can do to stop you from crying."

"You could always leave," I reminded him rudely.

"A good friend never leaves a friend in need," he told me, trying to keep his expression sincere.

"Just... ugh! Forget it. I have to get back to work."

"I'll drive you," he said.

"It's like, a two minute walk," I told him, "Would you please just leave? You're getting persistently annoying."

"That's my job," he grinned.

"And I'm going to be late for mine."

"Come on, Is—Bella. What do you have against me? Do I smell bad or something?" he was joking, of course, but I was getting very angry.

"I have got everything against you. Now, please leave me alone, and let me get back to work."

This time, I managed to shove past him, and jogged up the street. I was lucky that I didn't fall, and very relieved that he didn't chase after me. I wiped away the remaining tears, and returned back to the tedious job of carrying dishes of steaming hot food to the unappreciative customers.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN **

I was beyond exhausted when I returned back to my apartment. It was already ten o' clock at night, and my back felt like it was on fire. I wanted to get to bed, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Nevertheless, I lay in bed, lights on, staring at a picture of Edward that I always kept beside my bedside table. Why is everyone so against us being together? I thought. Maybe I'm not worth it after all, and everyone is just telling me what I already knew.

I wasn't in the mood for crying, and I was just dozing off when all of a sudden, I heard a loud noise coming from... somewhere. It sounded like it was coming from the window. Oh, the irony, I thought. I'm surrounded by dozens of vampires, and werewolves, and I'm perfectly fine. And just when those dangerous vampires and werewolves leave me, I get killed by a burglar... I almost laughed out loud.

I settled back in bed. I wasn't going to let a couple of pickpockets scare me, not when I'd survived the attack of far more frightening, mythical creatures. I heard another loud thump, and decided to check it out. I couldn't see anything outside my window—everything was dark, and wherever I breathed, fog covered the windowpanes. The glass was covered in mist, and as hard as I attempted to see something, I couldn't.

"Is anyone there?" I came to the last resort—stupidly asking whether or not a thief was outside my window.

Suddenly, I felt something move from behind me. I screamed once, not even knowing why I did. A pair of hands roughly pushed me against the glass. I let out a strange, muffled noise. With a loud snapping sound, the window shattered. I was confused, for a second, before I tumbled out the open window. My hand was bleeding from being cut by a tiny shard of glass. My apartment was on the sixteenth floor. There was no way I could survive the fall. In a way, I was glad. No more carrying trays daily, no more lying to everyone who I came across, no more crying myself to sleep each night, and no more trying to keep up a smile for everyone, while I was dying on the inside.

Tears were splattered across my face, but they were tears of joy. I was flying straight down, my arms flapping about like wings. I tumbled down sixteen floors of nothing but thin air, and tried to catch my breath, which was obviously impossible. My fate had been decided the second Edward had left me, I realized. I would join him, sooner or later. I don't know how I managed to keep a coherent thought in that one instant, as I fell.

When I landed, there was a sickening crunch. I knew that was the sound of all of the bones in my body breaking into a million pieces. I didn't let a single yelp escape me. I laughed. I don't know how I managed to do that, what with my throat feeling like it had been torn out of me, but I laughed. First it was a giggle, and then it was full out laughter. I coughed up what I knew what was my own blood. I couldn't move. My lungs were working hard to suck in air.

I felt someone shoving me... shoving my body somewhere, and another someone fighting to hold onto me. What were they doing? Didn't they know that I was eager to go? I gasped as the sudden pain of my fall reached my brain. I could feel it, every fiber of my being... I wasn't burning. It wasn't the same as the change, from a human to vampire. But it could've been a thousand times worse, and now I would never know.

I felt my vision darkening. Everything was going black... I couldn't see anymore. That was a good thing. It was a sign that I was close to death... my true friend. I was suddenly aware of two cold hands on my back, scooping me off the ground. It carried me off the cold hard pavement, stained with my own blood, and gently held me as the figure ran. My brain didn't allow me to think anymore... The oxygen wasn't entering my lungs. I fought to open my eyes, and lost. I could still hear... but I couldn't see. My body felt odd... numb, almost. My broken bones... I couldn't feel them anymore. I felt as if my spirit was leaving my own body. I tried to utter one last thought, my most precious thought, before it took me away.

"Ed... ward," I croaked, "I'm... coming."

And then I was gone.

* * *

I woke. I don't know how that was possible, but I was awake. Was this heaven? No, there was too much pain. And there was no Edward. Had all my efforts been for nothing? Was Edward right? Was my angel damned for eternity, never to find peace? Where would he be, in this afterlife? I let out a sob.

"She's waking," I heard a voice say. Wait, I recognized that voice. It was the voice of Carlisle. What was happening? Shouldn't I be dead? 

"Bella, I'm so sorry, Bella! Why didn't I see it?" It was the shrill cry of Alice.

"No, Bella, please, I'm sorry! Why...?" This time it was Jacob. Why was he here? And why was any one of them here, for that matter?

"A bit late for that, dog, don't you think?!" This snarl came from Emmett, I was sure.

"Ed... ward?" I whispered.

I heard a weeping sound in the background.

"Change her, now, Carlisle, she won't live for much longer!" This voice came from Jay. Why would he care? Why should he care for what happened to me?

"NO!" I screamed.

"You're dying, Bella," Rosalie stated. I heard sympathy in her voice, so different from what I was used to.

"I..."

"If you fools won't do it, I will!" This was Jay for sure.

"How can you be sure it's what she wants?" Esme cried.

"It's what I want," he replied mercilessly tossing her to the side.

"You SELFISH IDIOT!" This came from Jacob, and then his voice sobered up, "I've finally come to understand... and this may be too late, but... This is what she wants. To be with her bl— Edward. For eternity. I'm sorry, Bella. I've never understood what people meant when they say that when the person they love is happy, they'll be happy. Now I understand. If she wishes for death, then that is what she will have."

"What are you saying, mongrel?! She's dying..." Jay cried.

"No... Jay," I managed, "I... want... to go..."

"Let her. Let her find peace," Alice sobbed, "She wants it more than anything, can't you see? She wants... she needs it."

"I love you," I said to them, "And... I love you... Edward."

**Author's Note: Sorry for the shortness, I couldn't bear to drag out Bella's death any longer. But this is for all of you people out there who wanted me to kill Bella off... tsk tsk tsk, how could you be so cruel?! -sobs- Anyway, I'm still continuing after this, don't think it's over yet. Yes, Bella is dead, though. After it will be mostly about Heaven and stuff, and I'm not religious or anything so, it's basically common knowledge on what Heaven should look like and stuff... so yeah. I'm rambling. Hoped you liked my story up to this point!**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

**Author's Note: this chapter is after Bella died, if that wasn't clear... seriously, how could you have not noticed?! Gee! Wow, I am totally hyper today... ANYWAY, onto my story!!! **

I opened my eyes. Everything I saw was covered in a strange, swirling black mist. I couldn't see the ground, or the sky. There was no feeling of depth. I felt strangely... empty. Not like there was a part of me missing; well, you could call it that, I guess. I felt as if my mind was not attached to my body. Like my soul were in a faraway place. That couldn't be right... I had just woken this morning, gotten up, gone to work, came home, eaten dinner... I didn't understand.

I held my hand up in front of my face... I gasped as I saw it. It was transparent! I waved it in front of my other hand... it was slightly less translucent looking... almost as if I took two clear objects and put them on top of each other. What was going on?

Was this heaven? Was this the endless bliss that I had worked so hard for? I was almost to the point of crying. Where was Edward? He was supposed to be here, with me.

Just then, I saw a pale figure appear out of the mist. I squinted to see who it was... could it be? Then, as his silhouette came into better view, I was sure. I thought that tears would brim over in my eyes at the happiness! It was Edward! But then... he slowly drifted past me... that wasn't right! He was floating... almost like a ghost. He looked so sad, I wanted to reach out with my hands and comfort him. As he passed me by, I tried to get his attention.

"Edward!" I tried to say, "It's me, Bella!"

But the words wouldn't come out... I tried to make a sound, any sound! I waved my hands in the air, trying to get him to see me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he made a sound that seemed like a sob, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you!"

"No!" I wanted to tell him, "I'm here now! Please... Edward!" But I could tell that he couldn't hear me, even if his words were clear as day, to me.

"My poor, sweet Bella," he moaned, "What have I done?"

I couldn't cry out, couldn't do anything. I felt so helpless, watching my Edward suffer, clearly in pain. I had never felt so incapable of doing something, anything; not even when James had been trying to kill me in the ballet studio. I couldn't take it anymore! I wanted to cry. I wanted to get the tears flowing, and forget about everything.

"Bella," he suddenly said. I lifted my head.

"Edward?" this time my lips formed the name, my favorite word in the world.

"Oh, Bella!" he cried, closing the space between us in what must've been a very short amount of time, but felt like eternity.

When he reached me, when his cold hands touched my shoulder, suddenly, everything changed. Our surroundings, the air seemed to literally shift. The purple and black mist was gone, to be replaced by bright sunlight. Grass grew from under my feet, covering the ground. Flowers grew over the grass, trees sprang out from nowhere. I knew where this was. This was our meadow.

I buried my face into his shirt, sobbing, inhaling his sweet smelling scent. I hadn't even realized how much of him I'd missed. I closed my eyes, and looked up into his eyes. I tried to smile.

"Do you know how much I've missed you, Bella?" Edward asked me.

"I love you," was my only reply.

"Bella," he said, suddenly serious, "I love you. I love you being here, with me. But I'd also love you to have lived your life, your human life. Like how you would've lived it if I had not interfered with how things were supposed to be."

"Edward, I..." I knew I would sound extremely cowardly when I said this, "I couldn't take it anymore. Not being with you. Not knowing if I'd ever be with you ever again. It was torturing me, like something was eating at me, inside out."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I doubted he could tell how deep those words cut me. This wasn't his fault! None of this was, and yet he continued to blame himself. My angel was indeed an angel. He didn't want me to feel his pain, and yet by protecting me, he was hurting me.

"It's not your fault, Edward."

"If I hadn't left you..."

Now he was being silly. "Edward, please listen to me. Blaming yourself for your own death is like saying that you don't want to die. It's not possible. So please, stop..."

"How can I not be sorry, though, Bella? My poor, sweet, Bella. I can't. I love you. I love for you to be happy—"

"But I wasn't happy without you. I wouldn't be happy without you. I can't, and WON'T be happy without you, Edward. Please understand that."

He looked at me disapprovingly. "What is that I hear about you refusing to be happy without me? I wanted you to live your life at its fullest, Bella, not to mourn for me."

"I love you, Edward, but sometimes I just can't understand you!"

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you love?" he teased.

"If you'd seen me, Edward, you would've known that I can't live without you."

"But I did, love," he said. This confused me. What did he mean? "I saw you. I could see everything that you could see. I was there with you."

"Please... god, no," I muttered.

"You would not believe how painful it was, Bella, to watch you dying. And knowing that I should've been there to save you."

"We're together, now," I told him, "We can have our eternity."

"Yes," he agreed, "We can finally have our forever."

"There's only one thing I regret," I told him, watching his puzzled expression, "Not having a chance to say goodbye."

"You truly do not regret feel sorry for your own death?" Edward asked again, incredulous.

I reached up, and kissed him on the cheek.

"How can anyone not love someone like you?" he asked, playfully.

For the first time in a long while, I was happy. Not just keeping up a charade for others to see. I really was happy. With Edward, I was complete. I could want for nothing more. Just to be with him was my dream come true. I was lucky enough that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. I had no more worries. Nothing that I had to keep living for. I would be able to stay here, with my Edward, for the rest of forever. I was beyond the point of caring for the happiness of Renée, Charlie, my family. I was beyond caring for any of the rest of them. I knew I was selfish. But right then, while being held in Edward's arms, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything besides Edward and I.

"I love you," we said in unison.

**Author's Note: Okay, there you go. This took me forever to write. Sorry for the shortness, but what can you really expect two dead people to say to each other? I've always loved happy endings, and considering this is an angst story, that's about as happy as I could make it be. I hoped you all liked my story. It's not finished yet! The rest of it will be in other people's points of view, and their opinions on Bella's death and stuff. Stop here if you really don't feel like reading any more angst. Sorry if Bella and Edward's reunion wasn't good enough for some of you people out there, but you all have imagination. EDWARD AND BELLA FOREVER!!!**


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN **

**Author's Note: from this point on, it'll be in someone other than Bella's point of view, unless I make an announcement or something. Oh, and I know that Bella probably wouldn't survive an almost-twenty floor drop, but hey, Esme fell off a cliff and lived. Bear with me, please. If it doesn't make sense, just imagine she lives on the third floor or something. The following chapter is in Renée's point of view, maybe a few years later. These chapters are probably going to be shorter than the earlier ones, sorry about that! Just so you know, the italics are from Renée's point of view at the funeral. **

My daughter. My only daughter was dead. Bella! How could she do this to me? I still couldn't understand. Doctor Cullen had said that there could've been a chance to save her. Why hadn't he? My daughter had never been the type to cause herself pain on purpose. She could've done this for only one reason: to be with him. I had been giving myself excuses... she had been pushed off that building, had she not? But then, why wouldn't she have allowed Carlisle to save her? I knew, now, that the past few months, she had been living for us, she had been in pain. Her soul was in another place. I was a fool to believe that Bella's Edward was 'just a crush,' as she'd once told me. She had loved him enough to die for him. But she had also loved him enough to leave me behind.

I cried myself to sleep for many days. I had never helped her with her suffering, hadn't eased her pain. What type of mother was I? I had only intensified it, insisting she must come live with me, and forget about her life in Forks. At least she would go to heaven now, or whatever there was after life on this Earth. I had given up going to church a while back, but there had to be somewhere after human life, if only for my Bella.

I tried to remember Bella as how she was when she had been alive. That thought always brought a lump to my throat. Seeing her lying there, covered in her own blood, was a sight that would never leave me alone. It would haunt me forever, or at least my entire life. My poor baby!

Thinking of Bella always reduced me to pathetic sobbing. It's been years—how long? She would be twenty-something now... twenty four. Five years. Has my Bella really been gone for so long? I carried on with my life. I am sure that my pain is not even close to what she had been experiencing, for so long. She really did love him, didn't she?

"Renée," I heard someone say... it was Phil, "Are you alright?"

"Oh, yes, of course," I tried to compose myself, but only managed to make me look like I was mentally impaired.

"Oh, it just looked like—never mind."

"Don't worry about me, Phil," I told him—he'd sprained an ankle or something in last week's practice session. At least he'd stopped insisting that I needed therapy.

"Who else am I supposed to worry about?" he laughed.

I smiled. I just couldn't help it. Bella was right—this thought made me want to cry again, but soon I was past it—nothing could hold me down for long.

I zoned out again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. More than before Bella... died, that is. At least it was better than before. I remembered her funeral.

_FLASHBACK! _

_I couldn't see through my tears. Bella! My Bella was gone. She was gone forever. I would never ever see her again. She did not die happy. She died crying, screaming in pain. That was what I was thinking at the funeral. _

_I had not wanted to come. I did not want to remember Bella the way she was now... dead and cold. Never to laugh again, never to coax me out of my 'ridiculous schemes' as she called them. But Phil had insisted, and Charlie had wanted me to be here. I owed it to my daughter to at least show up at her funeral. But this... this was not supposed to be_ her_ funeral, I told myself. Her funeral should not have been in years... she should've been here, years later, sitting at my memorial service. I was selfish to think of this, I knew. I should not have wanted my daughter to be in pain just to take away my own. _

_But this! This should be her wedding. She should've been happy, about to be married to her Edward. I would've been laughing, trying to persuade her out of it, for the last time, and knowing that she wouldn't listen. My daughter was very set in her ways, once she made a decision, she stuck with it. I would've been crying, there too, but for entirely different reasons. _

_I tried to wipe away my tears. She would not have wanted to see me crying. My daughter had always been the type to make everyone happy. She would've sacrificed her own happiness for someone else's. Oh, how I loved my daughter. I had never seemed to notice that, when she had been with me. I had never appreciated just how unique she was. She had seemed like a force of nature, to me. She would always be there, picking up the phone and giving me directions when I got lost; telling me to get gas for the car; telling me to pay the bills. She truly was something. _

_The Cullens had showed up at the funeral, even though they now lived in Alaska. She would've been touched, at that, as I was. Bella... She was buried in Forks, right beside where Edward's grave was. They had both left us so early on in life. They had years of their life left to live, but now that was all gone. Surprisingly enough, I did not hate the Cullens, or most importantly, Edward, for my daughter's demise. _

_Little Alice came up to me. "We're so sorry for your loss, Renée," she said to me in a musical voice, "She... Bella..." she broke down into dry sobs. _

_"No," I told her, "It's not your fault. Bella would be happy now. She has been living like she was in pain these last few months. Maybe she'll finally find peace." _

_"I'm sorry," she repeated, then walked away, her head down. I could hear her whispering something to her brother Jasper, who looked like he was in physical pain. He turned towards me, and said something that I couldn't distinguish in between my own sobs. _

_Esme, Edward's adopted mother came up to me, as well. "They're together now," she said simply, "This is what she wanted, but I am so... sorry does not describe what I need to say, Renée. Our entire family misses Bella horribly; I cannot imagine how that must feel like for you." _

_After more words of sympathy from various guests, and after the funeral was at last over, I got up to leave. I couldn't be here any longer. I heard Phil say something to me, and followed him, unseeing. _

_END FLASHBACK!_

I remembered that day as clear as if it were yesterday. I still missed Bella, but the pain had slowly ebbed away as the years passed by.

All I knew was, I would live my own life. I would never understand Bella's decision, perhaps. I never did see what she saw in Edward... sure, he looked like an angel, but... I would not follow her example. I would live my life happily, the way she would've wanted it to be. I did not cry anymore. I would not mourn for her death, but carry on.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

**Author's Note: This chapter is done in Jacob's point of view, so it DOES NOT mean Jasper, or like, someone else... Oh, and this chapter, unlike the one from Renée's point of view, starts off a bit after the funeral. I made up some characters in chapter two, part of Jake's new 'pack,' that aren't in the books. These are Kyle, Blake, Will, Vic, Troy, Ace, Janice, Georgia, Zack, Travis and Roy. If you like, totally forgot about them, their personalities and stuff were mentioned briefly in chapter two. Ooh, I almost forgot, the italics are the werewolves thinking stuff, like, you know how they can talk inside their heads and all?**

Bella. Is. Dead. These words were locked inside my head; it was all I could think about. I knew that she know longer loved me. How could she? I had killed her _Edward_. Her precious, all important _Edward_. Stupid Cullen. If he had never come into her life, she and I would've been together. That, I knew for a fact. She had told me herself; if it weren't for him, she and I would've been soul-mates or something like that.

I had disappeared for a short amount of time, after her death. Kyle and Roy had dragged me back, using the whole guilt thing. I had obligations now; I was their leader. I was the 'Alpha' of our pack. They needed me to hold them together. This thought brought little comfort to me, in comparison of the gaping black hole that was Bella's death. I finally know what she feels like, when I had killed Edward... but, it had seemed like such a good idea at the time. I hated to hurt her, but I had thought that if she had no other choice, she would come to me. It was a stupid plan, I knew. With my stupid luck, she'd go running off with Cullen's brother or something.

But I was angry at myself. I had let her go. If I hadn't, she would still be alive. However painful it would've been, I had to give her what she wanted. If she wanted to be dead, so be it. I tried to tell myself that she had never loved me, so why should it matter? But... who was I kidding? I loved her. Even if she didn't love me, I knew I would never stop trying, unless she pushed me away. And now she had. By dying, she had just about said, 'I don't want you, never did, now go away." I knew I was selfish in thinking that, if alive, she would be with me, but come on! Could you blame me?

I sat through the funeral for Charlie's, Billy's and her mom's benefit. The pack hadn't wanted to go, but I had forced them to. They weren't allowed to disobey a direct command. I had brought this upon sweet Bella. I owed it to her to be there for her... leaving. Yes, that's what it would be. Because when you're dead, you don't come back. But if you simply left... well, there was always another chance, wasn't there? I pondered these thoughts for a while, and then gave them up as something that made my head hurt.

_So man, what's up?_ Troy asked.

_Nothing. Of course I'm not doing anything. I'm just sitting here grieving the loss of a very special person who may or may not have left me before she died, and now probably hates my guts up there in heaven_, I answered sarcastically.

_Dude, you are messed up. It's just a girl._

_She is not just a girl! She's Bella..._ I thought of all the good times we'd had—admittedly, not many... the kiss, the first time I saw her, telling her the 'scary stories.'

_Fu—I don't need a play by play image of your first kiss... ugh!_ He said... or thought, rather.

_Shut up,_ I told him.

_Sure, whatever, man._

The pack members were angry with me, but what could I do? Stop loving Bella? That was impossible. Troy left me alone with my thoughts, seeing that I wasn't going to answer him anytime soon. Sometimes I would regret killing off Cullen. As much as I had disliked him, he had made Bella, sweet Bella, happy. I could see now, that what she said was true. She could not live without him; the proof was before my very eyes.

I wondered if I would ever love anyone like I'd love Bella ever again. I had as good as killed her myself... screw the whole guilt thing, but it was true. But... would I rather see her with Cullen? They were getting married, god! It's not like she even loved me before I killed Cullen off, I tried to reassure myself, so it doesn't matter. Whenever I think of the two of them, sitting up there in heaven, my blood felt like it was coming close to boiling. I would start to shake, but lucky I had my well-practiced self control. The two of them, in heaven, watching all of us... It sometimes made me feel safe, that Bella might be looking after what I was doing, like those guardian angels or something, but now it just made me sick. An angel was a good way to describe Bella, but Cullen?

I remembered the very first time Bella had shown up at my doorstep. Cullen had left her, left her completely alone. She had come to me for help. I guess I wished that was what had happened in this case, but obviously it wasn't like that. Good thing there was nothing breakable nearby, or I would probably snap it like a twig. I couldn't understand why she would choose him over me, though. Sure, he might be better looking, or something. Was it his money? She had once questioned my sanity when I'd asked her that—or, in a better way to put it, started yelling at me—but was it? Maybe it was because with Cullen, there was no way that he'd involuntarily go running off with some random girl that he'd seen one day and decided he was in love with her. Screw imprinting. Screw being a werewolf, a 'protector.' Where had this gotten me? There was no point, sitting her screaming to myself in my own head, so I got up to join the rest of the pack.

The rest of the guys (and the girls—they always gave me this whole lecture on girls can do anything guys can, whenever I forgot about them) were sitting in a circle around the fire. I sat down with them, and closed my eyes. Opening them again, I stared, for a long time, into the flame.

"Jacob, are you alright?" Janice asked me; at least she could be kind... to some extent.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine," I answered without emotion.

"I told you he was messed up," Troy told them, smug.

"Shut up," I growled.

"Aww, is little Jakey still mourning the loss of his beloved Bella?" Blake taunted, knowing what I would say, or rather do.

"You know I can pound your head into the ground right now, and I'm not scared to do it," I told him, in a low and menacing voice.

"Sure, whatever," I could tell he didn't believe me. Sure, he was all brave now, wait until the next fight.

But, he was right. The pack didn't understand why I loved Bella, why I missed her so much. 'She was Cullen's to begin with,' they all told me, and it was true. She had come running to me, once upon a happier time, but now she didn't need me anymore. I tried to turn my sorrow into anger, but how could I be mad at Bella? She doesn't need me, or want me anymore. She had been using me all along, I was just too stupid to see it, I tried to tell myself. 'You're never going to get over it, if you don't get back out there,' Georgia had once told me. Right... get back out there. Who did she think I was?

"You hungry, man?" Vic asked me.

"Yeah," I suddenly realized that I was starving, but didn't notice that fact until now.

Vic handed me my dinner, which I finished in about three bites.

"Thanks," I told him. God, that boy can cook—was that weird?

After dinner, we decided to go back to town to check up on Billy. We did this every once in a while to make sure that he was okay. Not that he really needed it, not that he was even aware of it, but what else were we supposed to do all day?

When we'd finished with that, I settled back into my 'grieving for Bella' mode. I looked up into the stars. If heaven in fact was real, she would be there now. She would be happy. She would be—

That's when I saw her. I didn't know her name, didn't care. This girl, probably a newcomer to Forks, had just skimmed across my line of vision, and suddenly, nothing else mattered anymore. She was everything. She was more than Bella, a thousand times more. Her coal black hair, her pale blue eyes... Everything about her seemed to be perfect, at least to me. I didn't know this girl. I knew precisely nothing about her, but all I know is that... I loved her.

**TEN YEARS LATER**

I had given up my werewolf self ten years ago. To be more accurate, I had given it up the second I was sure that... she loved me too. And she did. Lillian. She meant the world to me, even more than that one girl—what was her name? Beth, Beck, Belle, Bella? Yes, that was it. Bella. She meant more to me than that Bella ever had. So this was what imprinting meant. I laughed at myself.

"Daddy! Daddy, come see!" a voice interrupted my thoughts. It was my seven-year-old daughter, Sarah.

"I'll be there in a second, honey!" I told her.

Yes, I was sure of it now. I was glad I had let Bella go. She deserved to be with him. With her Edward. And I didn't care about that anymore. I had my Lillian now. The pack hadn't understood my decision, why I had left them. Ace was their leader now, as Troy had been killed in a fight about five years ago. Anyway, I was happy. I never thought I would ever know that emotion ever again, but it was true. I was happy with my Lillian, and Bella was happy with her Edward. Life has happy endings after all.

**Author's Note: I was going to kill Jacob off or something like that, but then I realized that he would probably meet up with Bella and Edward up there in heaven or something, and then I realized that wouldn't be so smart; it would totally mess up the whole story. And I like happy endings, even if it is for a dog like Jacob, but... yeah. So, basically, for those of you who might not have gotten it, Jacob imprinted on some girl called Lillian. I've always liked that name, don't know why. Anyways, so that little kid that was going 'Daddy, Daddy!' is Jacob's kid, obviously. Hoped you liked this chapter. The next one is probably going to be from Charlie's point of view.**


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

**Author's Note: I was going to do a chapter in Charlie's point of view, but then I realized I killed him off... yeah, killing people in stories isn't exactly all that smart when you forget things as often as I do. Yeah... so, this chapter will be in the perspectives of all the people in Bella's class, or school, or whatever. I was going to do them separately, but then I realized that it was too short, so, yeah. Please tell me if I really screwed up this chapter, if I can't seem to get these guys into character or something stupid like that.**

_Jessica's Point of View_

I can't believe it. Bella's dead! How could this have happened? She was fine... until... Wait. Wait just one second. Why would she want to kill herself?! Oh my god... I just couldn't believe... all this, just for him? God, she is one lovesick puppy! I had never gotten to know her that well, until now, I guess. I haven't even been a friend to her. I'm horrible! Oh, god... My mind was playing words around in a loop, like a tape or something. Well... it's not like people don't die every day, right? I mean... But, oh, I wasn't even fooling myself. I never was a really close friend to Bella, but now, oh, how I regretted it! If only she had given me a chance, or, vice versa, actually. Poor Bella!

I felt sort of sorry now, that I had listened to Lauren. Well, not so much sorry, as stupid. I felt kind of bad for all the rumors I'd spread about her, now. But, seriously, that girl needs some help! And god knows I'm not generous enough to give it, but still. How could she give up her entire life over one guy? I hadn't even been that messed up after the whole Mike thing. She was kind of... pissed off, after Edward died. And Charlie was dead, too. I can't imagine living like that. I shouldn't have ignored her. I shouldn't have said all those mean things to her. I felt like crying. Oh god, what's happening to me?! Is this guilt, or something? But... oh god... **(Author's Note: If you're wondering why she's saying, or rather, thinking, oh god, oh my god, or whatever so much, Edward did say that her mind isn't very original. I mean, I can't actually make her repeat something someone else is saying, since, I mean, no one else is actually saying anything so... okay, I'm not making sense. Just read, please!)**

"Hey, Jess?" my mom asked.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"You've heard of that girl in your class who died, and whatever?" Yeah, mom, right. Whatever... but, I guess Bella's death shouldn't actually affect me that much, and—"I want you to promise me something."

"Sure, mom, what do you want?" That came out a bit nastier than what I'd intended, so I mended it, if somewhat awkwardly, "I meant, what is it?"

"I want you to promise me that you'll never go do that."

"Never go do what?" Yeah, do what. 'I want you to promise me something.' God, she's made me promise her a bazillion things, how am I supposed to no what I'm not supposed to go do?

"Never kill yourself over some stupid boy."

"Well, duh, mom."

"Good."

That, I was completely sure of.

**Author's Note: So, how badly did I screw it up? It was kind of hard, you know. I was debating with myself on whether she should feel happy or sad that Bella's dead, and all. Sorry if I made her sound kind of too preppy or something, but still... I feel like I made her too sad... Oh well. If I messed it up, bad, then... well... yeah. Hope you like the next bit, and please comment!**

_Angela's Point of View_

Oh, Bella! Poor girl... she was so sad, when Edward died. How she handled it, I have no idea. She was a mess, but, I never thought that she would actually kill herself! But, then again, Edward did mean a whole lot to her. How come she survived the first few months? I felt bad that I hadn't helped her get over it. Alice was really sad about everything, too. First her brother, now her best friend. I wonder how Chief Swan would feel, if he was still here. Oh, Bella, why?! I knew the reason, of course. I wondered if I would become like that if something had happened to Ben. But, even then, I would probably move on or at least hold on until some natural way of death took me.

I wish that she had had the strength to hold on. I felt that this was selfish, in a way, as death was perhaps the easiest way to relieve all of her pain, but still. I remembered the first day that Jessica had showed up at school, after Bella's death, in the cafeteria. Normally, she would happily go about telling us all the day's news, and gossip, with hardly anybody listening to her. But that day, it was different. She had become suddenly silent, and said, in a quiet voice, 'She's dead.' Of course, after that, we had all gone through the process of asking who this person in question was, which we found out right away. Bella. Bella was dead. I didn't know much about it at first, until I realized that she had deliberately taken her own life.

I had attended her funeral, about two weeks ago. Renée, her mother, was there, crying. She was so torn up over her daughter's death. I made a promise to myself that I would never do that, and hurt anyone else the way I had been hurt over Bella. She had always been quiet, even more than I was. But, whenever she had seen Edward Cullen, she seemed to light up, and he as well, when he saw her.

"It's so terrible, isn't it, Ang?" Ben asked me.

"It sure is," I agreed, feeling a single tear falling down my cheek, and hastily wiped it away.

"Don't be so sad," he comforted me.

"It's just... I wish I was able to make her feel better," I told him.

"Don't blame it all on yourself, it won't do any good."

Of course, he was right. I sighed, and then smiled a wobbly little smile. He was happier, at seeing me cheering up. If Bella had known that her death had hurt us like this, she would not have... done it. No matter how much pain she was going through. She was just that type of selfless person.

**Author's Note: Blah, I bet I totally messed up Angela's point of view, too. What's happening to me??? Should I stop writing all these types of things, like, about the whole Bella's dying thing, from random people's POV? I'm getting kind of bored of writing it, if you think that reading it sort of really sucks then just tell me. I might switch back to Bella's point of view, up their in heaven or something. I was going to write one in Mike's point of view, but I couldn't get past the first two sentences, so there goes that (a.k.a. I deleted it).**

_Lauren's Point of View_

Finally. That bitch is gone from my life, for like, forever. Sheesh! She was so annoying! Always whining and stuff. 'Oh, and Edward's just so perfect! I'm not worthy!' Well, that was probably the one thing she got right. She is so totally not worth Edward Cullen's time. If he was going out with me, that probably would've never happened. The whole him-dying thing, I mean.

When I expressed what I was thinking at the lunch table, the rest of the guys were totally shocked.

"Lauren! How could you say such a thing?" Angela said to me.

"Well, it's true!" I defended myself, "She was a complete nuisance! God, I'm GLAD she's gone!"

"She was not a nuisance! You could've been nicer to her, Lauren," Mike said.

"Yeah, and what? Get rejected like you did, Mr. Follow-Bella-around-like-a-stalker-or-a-puppy-dog-or-something?! You guys are just too wimpy to say that she was an idiot!"

"Lauren Mallory, if you seriously think that that is true; you are probably the meanest girl I have ever met!" Mike said.

"So what?! Like I care," I tossed my hair angrily at that response, glad that I had grown it out again.

"Please, Lauren," Angela had tears in her eyes. Wimp.

"Yeah, well, she WAS a total bitch, that I totally know!" I retorted.

**Author's Note: God, I feel like I made Lauren a bit TOO you know, happy about the whole thing. Sorry, if you think it basically sucked. If you haven't caught on yet, I'm probably going to be ending this pretty soon. It's been a good... hmm... two months or so. Yeah... this chapter wasn't as long as I thought it would be.**


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

**Author's Note: This is back to being in Bella's point of view, in like, heaven. So, uh... yeah. Sorry for not updating, my internet was all busted and stuff, so please don't kill me. Oh yeah, and note that up there in heaven, Bella and Edward have like, no idea how much time passes and everything, because they're, you know, dead? So, yeah.**

I sighed, content. Edward was beside me, whispering to me how much he loved me, softly in my ear. It just couldn't get any better than this. I didn't know why I had once feared death. Perhaps it was just the thought of Edward's absence that had always gotten me frightened. I truly loved him more than anyone else, ever. How had I lived without him?

"Bella, what are you thinking?" he asked, for the millionth time.

"About how lucky, I am, to have you," I breathed.

He laughed, "I still cannot believe my own good fortune. What have I ever done to deserve you?"

I rarely stopped to think that we were both dead. What did it matter? As long as we were together, I could've taken on hell and more. Physical pain I could handle. But being away from Edward was my only fear.

"Do you remember how you used to sing my lullaby to me, every night? And how I'd always fall asleep, no matter how many times I'd insisted I wasn't tired?"

"How could I have forgotten?" he asked, "You'd always say that you wanted to stay up just a little bit longer."

"And that one time that Charlie almost caught us?" I remembered.

"Oh, yes. It's a good thing that you don't fill your closet out as much as Alice or I would've had a hard time hiding myself in there."

"I love you," I told him, something I'd been repeating for the past... who knows how long?

"Silly Bella, I love you too," he told me.

"You know, I don't even regret dying sometimes," I said suddenly.

"My life would've been worthless without you in it, Bella."

"Well, now I'm just glad that you wouldn't have to have killed yourself when I died."

There was a brief, comfortable silence, and then I said, "I wish I could see how Renée, Jake, and the others are... coping."

"You can, love."

He showed me how we could see what the 'living' were doing; it seemed like he was pulling apart a clump of fluffy white clouds from under our feet. I could see what looked like Renée's house. She was not crying that much was clear. But she didn't appear happy, either. She was handling things better than I had after Edward had left me. She went about her daily business, and I could tell that she was keeping happy for herself, not an act for someone else to see.

I watched Renée for a little bit, as she walked to the grocery store. Something like that seemed like a miracle to me, now. Being dead, of course, I didn't eat. I almost laughed at the thought of stuffing myself with food, when it would probably go right through me.

Suddenly, the scene changed. It was not Renée I was seeing, but Jacob. He was laughing, a small child following him. I wanted to hear what he was saying, and then suddenly I could. I gave Edward a look that said, 'why didn't you tell me before?!' I focused my attention back to Jacob.

"Sorry Sarah; wait a while; Daddy's busy," he said.

"But Da_ddy_!" the little girl yanked impatiently on his hand.

Did that mean...? Yes. Jacob had moved on. I was a fool to believe that he wouldn't. I wondered who the little girl, Sarah's, mother was. Had Jacob imprinted, or did he love this woman out of his own free will? That sounded a bit odd, so I cleared my mind of all confusing thoughts and went back to what Jacob was doing. All of a sudden, it seemed that whatever Jacob had been doing seemed to speed up.

"Lillian," he said, kissing a woman on the cheek, and then putting a bag of groceries on the ground.

"You big old lazy oaf!" she said, playfully hitting him on the shoulder, "Don't just leave that there!"

"Of course, milady," he said, making a show of being her servant, and picked up the bag.

"Daddy, come!" Sarah tugged on his arm again.

"Well, better go see what my little Sarah wants," he told Lillian.

And then the 'vision' was gone. Edward was by my side.

"I'm so glad that he's happy," I said truthfully.

"Even after he hurt you?" asked Edward.

"He never meant to," I said, trying hard to believe what I was saying.

"Moving on," Edward told me, almost as if turning a switch. And then I was seeing Lauren, Jessica, and Angela.

"I am glad that bitch is gone, like you know?" Lauren asked, waving her hand around in the air.

I snuggled closer to Edward, trying to block her hurtful words, and succeeded by simply looking up into Edward's eyes.

"You can't really think that!" Angela defended me, loyal even though I was no longer there.

"She looked like she was in actual pain, and everything," Jessica said.

"Well, whatever. Now she can be with her Eddie forever and ever and ever; isn't that what she wanted anyway?" Lauren said.

Edward grimaced at the name Eddie. No doubt it brought painful childhood memories that would've been hilarious for me to watch.

We explored the lives of all the people I had known while I was alive—even some of the kids from back in Phoenix.

I was happy that my death hadn't affected them much. Even my own mother was okay, after a month or two. When I was satisfied, I turned back to Edward.

Being dead certainly had some advantages—such as the fact that Edward no longer had to worry about my safety, and could actually kiss me without breaking all of my bones. Being with him was I could ever have asked for. Heaven would be worthless to me without Edward. With Edward, I would never again be afraid. I would be happy forever with my Edward.

**Author's Note: Was that a good ending? I feel like I've dragged my story way out of proportion and I should've ended it after Bella died, but I just didn't feel like saying goodbye to my plot and having to start all over. I hope this won't let you guys down. March Break has just started for us, so I'll probably be able to have a good few chapters done for any new story I may decide to be writing in the future. Edward and Bella forever!!!**


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